Overview
This guide will demonstrate how to become the ultimate master of feces (and all related bodily fluids)
Introduction
To become a certified Poop Master, you must eat, sleep, and [explative] feces. Follow this guide for 6-8 weeks and he will grant you Poop Master status. If you fail any step of the process, you must begin again.
Eat
The bowl will become your one and only source of food and water. No other vessel may contain any substance which you intend to consume.
Sleep
The warmth of the bowl will sooth your weak, unworthy body into slumber. Failure to sleep in the bowl exclusively results in failure of the process. In this case, you must begin again.
Sh!t
You may experience an uncomfortable case of rectal prolapse as your waste production multiplies tenfold. This is normal; do not be afraid.
CAUTION: Rogue Contender
WARNING: If any of these steps are not followed to their fullest extend, a miscellaneous beast will emerge. Despite your clear lack of discipline, you must fight the beast.
DO NOT LET THE BEAST ESCAPE.
What Success Looks Like
Upon success, as previously stated, he will grant you Poop Master status. Additionally, you will be rooted to your throne. These roots will extend into the ground and penetrate the Earth, joining in a network comprised entirely of Poop Masters.
Below is an image of a Poop Master’s throne sans-master. Upon death of a Poop Master, (which can only occur if you are assassinated by the beast after allowing itto escape rather than killing it) you will be absorbed into the bowl. This process is, of course, extremely painful. nothing to fear.
