How to Be a ‘hómó’ sapien

Overview

A guide on how to be a real life ‘hómó spaien’

Walking

You move your legs, by pressing the Arrow Keys. If your legs do not proceed to aid you in your quest for walking, use your arms instead. If this does not work, you have osteoperiosis, and you should* see a doctor.

*Not a Mandetory step to being a humus

Grabbing

You can use your ‘arms’ to do many things. First, grab the object you wish to grab by left clicking (left) or Right clicking (Right). From there you can lift/pull any object, person, or apendage.

Climbing

As a humus soapien, you will need to climb on objects to reach your full potential (cookie Jar). Now when you are climbing, you will need the previous skills of walking and Grabbing. First, you extend your arms in the air, and walk forward*. Next, you grab the surface before you, and look at the ground intently as if it was a playboy magazine. And Voila; you are now a pro climber**.

*Will not work if you contain ostioperosis
**You are not a pro just yet

Masturbating

Now the most important step to becoming a true Humerous Soaporious is masturbation. The first step is to grip your GENITALIA (female or male). The second step is quite simple; Pull fuiriously, but not hard enough to injure yourself. You have now achieved Masturebation, and, have become a Hómó Sapien.

If you do not have genituli

A few of you not yet to be hómó-sapiens have been asking: how do you get genituli? Now, obtaining genituli is a very simple task. If you wish to obtain just borderline ‘good’ genituli for a cheap price, I reccomend a nearby Sears or Macys. However, sometimes ‘good’ isn’t good enough. When you need the best of the best genituli, the only place to get it is your local Mcdonalds. Just walk in, and say you want “the Number 69” They’ll know what you mean.*

*Side note: It is not normal if you end up with your genituli caught in a ceiling fan, 888main, please call a doctor as soon as possible, to examine you for any damged genituli and/or Autisim. Thank you for your time.