Overview
this will teach you how to be mafia boss
step 1: find people to recruit
the first step in your mafia boss journey is to find people for your mafia. you will do this by looking in alleyways for homeless people, then recruiting them using whatever means necessary, besides injury because then they won’t be able to work for you reliably. once you have recruited around 5 homeless people, tell them to find other homeless people to recruit, as they know homeless people better than you do. this also gives you an opportunity to relax. once you have recruited as many homeless people as you feel is satisfactory, move on to step 2
step 2: acquire reputation
in order to enlist even more people into your mafia, you must acquire reputation, so those willing to break the law will know who to turn to. in order to do this, you must have one of your enlistees murder someone. this can be done by arming them with whatever you can find, be it a rock or a crudely-made shank. you will then send your to-be murderer to the home of your murderee, where they will probably be found doing something they don’t want anyone to find out about. once your hitman has entered the building, they can then kill the target. then have your hitman draw some sort of logo or insignia on the wall or other surface. for our example, we will be using that of the Sith empire. (no not the galactic empire there’s a difference) once your hitman has done this, they should immediately vamoose. you must then plan an effort to rob an establishment, preferably a smaller restaurant, as those do not have very high security. first, you must give them disguises so they are not recognized. for our example, we will disguise them using grass. once they have entered, have them destroy all security cameras and other things that could potentially compromise the operation. they should also draw your insignia on the building somewhere. then when they return, use the money to better arm your minions. now that your insignia is the common denominator between two cases, anyone with two brain cells can tell that there is obviously some sort of mafia situation.
step 3: get more people in your mafia
once people figure out that a mafia is now in existence, they will attempt to join it. when they do, you must find a way to make them stay. a common and efficient way is execution of deserters. for our example, we will use this method. once you have reached around 50 people, you must now send people to rob multiple stores simultaneously. this will spread the police force thin, allowing each heist to be easier. once this occurs, people will realize the law enforcement cannot stop your mafia, and seek to join it. when you have recruited even more people, seek to rob more or larger establishments. this will give you even more money. repeat this until you have bankrupted the city your mafia is based in. when this occurs, ceremoniously execute every law enforcement and government official. then declare your complete ownership of the city, and pass the following laws:
1. every citizen of the city will be indoctrinated into your mafia
2. all future citizens will be part of your mafia
this will ensure even more growth, as (according to google) the average US city size is 6,200. the number of people recruited by doing this may vary by your country, but 6,200 is a substantial number and you are already larger than the largest pre-existing crime organization.
step 4: further your conquest
after you have taken the city you are based in, you can now better arm your men. now, you must bring 400 or so people to rob several banks in the city neighboring yours. the banks will have the serial numbers on their money saved in their system, but that won’t matter soon since your mafia will be the government. send as many of your men as you need until you have repeated your success in your first city. then, repeat this process in more cities.
the conclusion
this the end, further steps will be detailed in the next installment in this series: “how to become level 200 warlord”