Overview
Having trouble looking for that perfect song to compliment your insane, one in a million fan-fiction writing skills? Then search no longer! I, your grandfather Laz, have come up with a revolutionary technique to transform even the deafest of sycophants into a pretentious aesthete everyone despises!
How to Ear, an Insider’s Shocking Revelation
Once upon a time, you undertook the most worthy task of writing. Taking not pen, but keyboard into battle ‘gainst the forces of inadequacy, writers block, and distraction, you slowly carved out an image of not only ingenuity, but of confidence; truly worth a thousand words. Though now a veteran of a dozen chapters, one must wonder if something is missing from your masterpiece.
Wracking your brain, you slowly approach the precipice of self-loathing, determined to cast yourself from the the heights of folly and into the hidden depths of despair. When had what you wrought gone wrong? Was it when surprise tsundere Obama-chan finally fell in love Putin-kun? Or perhaps when after your third plot-ception in a row, you accidently killed off an important character? You’re in too deep!!
But don’t worry. I’m here today as only a marginally creepy Nabokov to boost your writing skillz by at least one percent.
And how will your grandfather, Ser Laz, achieve this most dubious accomplishment?
Auditory enhancement!
(I knew you wouldn’t guess it.)
Enough Poppycock! Explain Thyself, Fiend!
Hoh. You wish to tussle? Your wish is granted! But first, a word from our sponsors:
This guide is obviously the conglomeration of snappy pop-culture references and of my sheer inanity. But I’ll find the point so you don’t stab yourself with impatience.
The key to writing is “Atmosphere”. And by atmosphere I mean music. And by music I mean my one-sided recommendations.
Indubitably, without music, your writings shall lack soul, the most essential of all substences. You think Charlie Sheen has been getting high off of cocaine all this time? You poor, poor, thing. But don’t worry. My existence before this discovery was that of incredulous ignorance; I was as a frog in a well, endlessly marveling at the small patch of sky I called a horizon. You too shall learn to climb. Err.. well, maybe hop in this context.
Music is the true path of Cultivation; for, without music, one’s accolades shall fall endlessly short of the goal you have set yourself: one visitor to your website per day. (definitely not personal).
Now that music has been irrefutably lauded as the truth, one can rest at ease.
ATTENTION! Get off your laurels, private. Our work has just begun. <insert a string of curses>
<still cussing>
<nearly done>
It’s obvious that every sergeant has to be stereotypically potty-mouthed, just as my selection of music is both the best, and the greatest. Without further ado, I present the next section for your eye-holes to feast upon.
My Music Is Better Than Yours!
A naked provication; surely a thousand hipsters have descended into the comments, belittling my taste, as well as advocating Mumford and Sons as the premier choice for auditory pleasure.
NAY! Listen well, children. This list shall expand your mind.
1) Jason DeRulo: Like omg, he’s so freaking hot, and every song is so well made, especially the ones with the trumpets! But for reals tho, I’d tap that
Composers
1) Brian Crain: He’s a genius with the piano, crafting seemingly simply melodies into definite ear-gasms of joy. And don’t even get me started when he uses a violin in conjecture with the piano, or cello, or hell, even the accordian. He has a very elegant and consise way of composing his music. Some people might say that “it’s too simple”, and to those people, I say ♥♥♥♥ off.
2) Ludivico Einaudi: Good luck getting me to pronounce that irl. He uses lots of different instruments, and all of them are indescribably sublime. When I need to write, or read, for a long time, him and Crain are the two fools I hook my headphones up with. His scope is certainly much larger than Crains, though both have their upsides. I love them both.
3) Vanrous Kloud (V.K.): Another composer, though more along the lines of movie soundtracks. Still amazing, and Xue Wu is perhaps one of my favorite songs by him. Definitely worth checking out if you enjoy oriental-style orchestal masterpieces. Though, not to say he doesn’t have a decent repertoire of piano-only songs; Paper Plane Adventure and Wings of Piano, to name a few.
Country
1) Punch Brothers: Probably the one and only country band I enjoy listening to, old outlaw country like Johnny Cash notwithstanding. Truly a more…experimental brand of country music, listening to the skill behind each instrument always manages to amaze me. To start out with, I’d recommend songs like: Julep, Rye Whiskey, Alex, and Don’t Need No.
Rap
1) Flatbush Zombies: Judging from the list above this, you’d think I was a goody two-shoes white kid with nothing special about him, and who hates rap. Well, that’s all true, except for hating rap. Actually, I like some rap. Some rap. Flatbush Zombies are one of the bands I like. Though I can’t relate to anything they make, all of their beats are dope, and the three rappers balance each other so well every song is lyrically strong. Though it’s hard to gauge lyrical strength based on lines about doing drugs, smoking pot, popping cherries, and killing people. Oh well. I still like them.
2) Tech N9ne. But also his cyphers: A master of music, who’s been pumping out albums for literally decades. He’s recently been garnering mainstream attention, which is pretty good. A few of his songs are particularily suited for writing..which I’ll detail in the next section.
3) Logic: A smooth, fast-rapping half white kid. If that doesn’t immediately intrigue you, then it’s because I’m too lazy to write out a proper description.
4) Watsky: A smooth, fast-rapping full white kid. Probably the best lisp in the business; in addition, most of his songs are exceptionally intelligent.
5) Atmosphere: Every song is a story, and every verse is a well-written paragraph (in rap terms). There’s a lot of food-for-thought present throughout his songs, though his beats do tend to be rather simple.
Rock
1) The Keep: Calling them a rockband is a little disengenious, since they only have a few songs out. But hot damn, they’re freaking good. I actually prefer their version of The House of the Rising Son over the originals. And Snakebite is pretty amazing in its own right.
2) Arctic Monkeys: Their older stuff is a lot more raw, while their newer stuff is more polished. It just comes down to what you prefer. If you haven’t heard of them, definitely check them out.
3) Black Keys: They’re pretty good. I mean, its, pretty good…..but, like, it’s pretty good man. It’s pretty good. (obscure out of context WKUK sketch reference; please kill me)
4) Florence + The Machine: I only listen to one song by them, Dog Days Are Over. I’ve sacrificed my pets to this song, and indoctrined my children to it. Every day I repeat the hook in stead of the national anthem. Join, or die.
Metal
Not my cup of tea! Must I do everything for you cranial-invertibrates??
Other
There’s probably a few different categories I could split these bands into, but I lack the patience.
1) Lake Street Dive: Oh the lead singers voice. Oh the lead singers voice. If there is a such thing as ear-porn, this is it. Her voice and her confidence in it are self-evident with every word uttered. The band around her isn’t half-bad either. Its just, she outclasses everything near her. I love her voice.
2) Ed Sheeran: How can I not put him on here? That adorable, funky, and dorky folk singer turned pop star. I like all of his songs…I’m probably a bad person. I’ve betrayed every musical connisseur cross the Pond with this inclusion.
If your band isn’t here, it’s cause it sucks. Or I haven’t heard it. Or it’s somehow associated with Jason DeRulo.
The Last Section’s Contents Are Bull.
It’s true. For “Atmosphere”, it truly isn’t the band that matters. It’s the song. So I’ve effectively wasted not only your precious time, but my precious time as well.
Still reading? You haven’t thrown your laptop/comp at the wall in frustration, enraged that this wasn’t the joke guide you suspected it as?
Same tbh.
To those questioning why I’d even include bands I like, I’d say….
Stop being an ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, bro. I mean, like, really bro? You wanna brodown? You wanna brodown??
Maybe one of the bands I’ve listed will catch your interest, and you’ll donate a million dollars to the Accident-Attention Charity in my honor. (the AAC doesn’t actually help with accidents; it merely observes them. it’s a pretty good place for psycopaths. fyi, the sociopaths all get easily agitated..don’t bring them) Whatever the case, this knowledge will broaden your mind…whether you want it to or not.
Oooo, I just performed the first mind-rape.
Eh?
The FBI?
♥♥♥♥, I’ve gotta get out of he-
So….what is this?
This is the culmination of my insight towards the intrinsic value that twinding music and writing entails.
It’s easy to get distracted while you write. You’ll find yourself staring blankly at your screen, unconciously opening another window, rapidly flicking through songs, attempting to keep your mind from actually spewing its contents forth. To remedy this most awful facet of an authors life, I’ve totally made this totally original idea of finding songs you can listen to without actually listening to them.
Song-ception?
Perhaps. Rather, it’s more like finding songs your subconcious can groove to, while your not-subconcious can focus on the beans and gravy of actually writing. It’s why piano music is so effective; simple melodies keep your head nodding, while your thoughts and fingers act in tandem, perfect reflections of one another. But this can be achieved with any type of music…it just depends on the individual’s tastes (which are, of course, inferior to mine. *twirls handlebar mustache*)
Songs that are repetitive, with little variations…but with recognizable hooks, preferably alternating in small pitch-shifts are those that I’ve found to be most helpful with writing. Jokes aside, I’ve actually lost myself a few times while writing due to this phenomenon. The act of creation is surely the most rewarding one.
Party the Pain Away by Tech N9ne is one such song I’ve bumped to, enjoying a prolonged flow of writing before reality inevitably intrudes upon one’s cluttered mind. The whole of Piano Opus by Brian Crain is another example, and Divinire by Ludivico Einaudi is yet another one. It straight up depends on the person.
Light Breaking Through The Stormfront
^sounds like a silly chapter name present in a chinese web-novelist’s wet dreams, no?
Don’t worry, I’m not any better.
And there you have it, kiddos. To be succesful in writing, you need music. And the music you need is the type that your subconcious can bump to. I hope this guide will help you achieve gweat dings, young gwasshoppa.
but really tho, do what you want. i apologize to anyone creating an Obama-Putin fanfic, and to everyone else for my absurd conduct upon these blue pages of doom. i’m really only pretty annoying irl.