Overview
This is a guide to show you how to eradicate the gray menace from the face of the earth
Nermal is the devil incarnate
Throughout all Garfield lore, humans have been entranced by Nermal’s “cute” and “charming” outer shell. His true intentions are much more sinister.
Nermal has a known history of illegal firearms and munitions distribution among several African nations, as well as espionage against the United States government, including the allocation of several million taxpayer dollars to Osama Bin Laden in the months prior to the attacks on September 11th, 2001.
After the 9/11 attacks almost blew Nermal’s cover, he decided to retire from his penthouse apartment located in Abu Dhabi, UAE, and lay low in the town of Muncie, Indiana. He became acquainted with, and now regularly terrorizes Jon Arbuckle, Garfield, and Odie.
An insider with Nermal, who would like to remain anonymous, has leaked to us unseen footage of Nermal’s terrorizing:
Dealing With The Gray Menace
Defeating Nermal is no easy task, he has an eye for things that look out of place. If he catches a single whiff of something fishy, he leaves the area immediately.
Nermal operates as a lone wolf, and has few close friends. This gives him an edge, as he can lay low with little worry of being attacked. However, being alone means he can be quickly overpowered in a successful ambush. Use this to your advantage.
The key to taking him out is to be swift and accurate. How you take him out, is up to you. Stealthily, with a suppressed m9 beretta during naptime. Or loudly, planting an ignition bomb in his kart with a homemade bomb made out of duct tape, nails, a glass bottle of saltwater, and an m67 fragmentation grenade.
Stealth Options
Decided to stop Nermal without attracting attention to yourself? Good! If it looks like an accident, Nermal’s contacts will be less likely to come after you.
– Cut the brake lines in Nermal’s kart
– Release Chlorine gas into Nermal’s vents while he is sleeping
– Anonymously fabricate claims against Nermal until the FBI no-knocks his house
– Make Nermal disappear forever with cinderblocks, rope, and a pond
– Offer Nermal to go on a fishing trip. When he asks where the bait is, feed him to the fish
– A John Deer tractor is just loud enough to muffle the screams of a farming accident
Loud Options
Go big or go home! End Nermal with a bang and cook up some cool concoctions! You don’t have to fear Nermal’s contacts if they’re afraid of you!
– Release propane gas in one corner of Nermal’s basement, with a candle in the other end
– Kidnap Nermal while he sleeps, douse him in gasoline, and watch him writhe in pain
– Strap Nermal onto a comically large and rather illegal firework
– Feed Nermal tannerite for three weeks straight, set him loose in an open field, let him get a safe distance away, and then send him flying with a high caliber rifle
– Abduct Nermal and hold his family hostage for ransom while he is forced to publicly approach a government building with a suicide vest on
– Provide several illegal weapons to low income communities that have high rates of violence. Have Nermal go to these neighborhoods shouting various slurs. The Nermal problem will be solved within minutes
Second Thoughts?
Are you having second thoughts about stopping Nermal’s pulse? Fret not! If Nermal knew what you were doing right now, he wouldn’t hesitate to end your life, and not even think twice. After all, this isn’t the first, nor the last time he ends a life.
He is a ruthless killer who canonically utilized a time machine and went back in time to steal Garfield’s television show so Nermal himself could star in it instead