Overview
Super Hexagon is like adrenaline, you just gotta shoot it up sometimes but it always leaves you with pale skin, nausea, and those gross sweaty palms that you get sometimes. Also you might sweat under your armpits even if no one is tickling you; don’t worry that is normal even if you aren’t playing this game. However, sometimes you might not no what to do and be frustrated but its not your fault. This guide is here to help you sort out your doubts and help you achieve your ambitious goals. So think of this guide as like a confessional. Father, will show you some of his tips and tricks if you’ll stick around to watch, you might even learn a thing or 2. In this guide I manage to reveal bounitful amounts of information on this game, hack the interweb and steal tons of online content, and show you my own custom advice on how to win at the game.
Before Even Try(hard)ing
Step 1: You will need to have a copy of super hexagon so you can play it ya dingus. #NeverDoubtTheBrule
Next, you play the game and wowie-zow you get The Main Menu and a GIRL greets you. It’s like the game is already self aware man and you are playing it so you know the game is rigged from the start. That’s why we are going to hook you up with the hacking controls so you are the best you can be.
Here are what you could win the game with?
1. Mouse
2. Keyboard
Possibly one of your worst options for winning the game. The keyboard buttons just wont input fast enough no matter how much I dig my lil’ fingers into the buttons yknow. This leads to the cause of slow input time and your little video game guy wont move fast enough. 1/10
3. A Controller
Well look at you Mr. Jury Rig you put your console on the computer. Why are you reading this when you are obviously way more intellijent then most plebians on-the-line. If you haven’t already figured it out, controllers are like the closest you can get to hacking the game without actually hacking as they have lots of things on them. You might have a giant pad that makes it go left or right, some wiggle sticks that make it go left or right, or even some lil’ buttons with shapes that make it go left or right. I guess if you are unpredicatable and beautiful go ahead and be a variety you might even have fun pressing different things to go left or right. 10/10
The Main Menu
This is game doesn’t work like all the other games on the Ipad. No matter how many times you hit home button it won’t return you to your spot it directs you to The Main Menu.
This is like the same but kinda different. Again make sure that you are ready to move on. Because I lied, this game isn’t 4 casuals it if for man that eats meat and chops trees and such.
When you start up the game take a deep breath because there is no more deep breathing after that. You won’t have time to deep breath and if you do then maybe The Sims 3 would be more your speed than this game. So get in that nice big deep sucking breath and then let it out.
If you did it correctly it should onomatopoeia kinda of like this:
*ffffffffffffffffffffffff
(hold)
(hold)
*aaaaaaaaaaa
Then you would be ready otherwise do it again until you are calm and have your inner chi channeled into your fingers.
Start the game to make it play
This should turn the gears inside of your computer and begin the game, however, before you play, tthe game has a safeguard to keep the scrubs out.
It is called The Main Menu.
To get past The Main Menu you must use your input device of your choosing to move The Main Menu either left or right in an infinite number of times until you find the game mode you would like to win. This is the button that lets you win more of the game. You have to 420 blaze the button to make it work. However you have just won The Main Menu so take a second to pat yourself wherever you choose but only once because you will be making carpal art in no time.
Babby’s First Blaze
The game throws you out of The Main Menu and onto your keister and the game isn’t doing anything except screaming shrill demonic computer shrieks into your ears.
Then some lines appear.
Most babbys are still trying to figure out what is happened.
However they are caught in the headlights and the lines smash into their character that they don’t even know exists.
GAME OGRE the computer tells you with audio is if it knew you would die and you are just confused.
Luckily I can help you analyze this mistake so u dont uber rage.
In this game you don’t actually control a man you are a teeny tiny triangle. At least you aren’t a micropenn1s LOL.
You’re left and right buttons move the triangle left and right AROUND the shape in the middle of the screen. Now these lines will come inwards at you and try 2 tap that but if they do you wont win so move to avoid them. On Levl scrub, Hexagonad, you start off as the triangle and there is a timer and your best time plus the lines but also the shape in the middle it moves too so watch out or your gonna die a lot. Most plebs have better eyes than brains but this could help also. The game has a “hud” which is a stupid word cus its not real but it puts all this useless garbage that doesnt make you win on the screen so whatever. Focus on not being hit by lines by moving away from them using the skils you practiced on The Main Menu. To win the level and move up an mlg u have to Yolo consequtively for 69-9hexagon points which are equivalent 666 to not dying and then get a gud score 4 the leadrboard and show them you arent the scrub. This Level features shape changes during exact times and it change to pentakill and a pointy circle None of the other 1s do that so watch out. I have devised a visual aid to show you how to bew playing the game and this may look like you’re first playthrough of scrub tier.
Small Tish 2 Fad-pole In Da Gangsta Pond
Well going sport! You have won lbel 1 and 1 so you have to 1 this nextlevel u G.
Snoop is perfectly fine even if his arm is invisible if you comment about it ill track uyr IP I am the best at this game so ill track your game and make you your own intenstien soup.
Level 2, Hardoner, is all about more broken sounding noise that constantly blares to distract you so you wont win. You may have to pull a Vincent Van Gogh so you can continue this game because the music doesnt get any better. This level is all about gotta go a tad bit fast and you sped up but you candt slow it as the levels speed up ogre time and you have to get quick instinct. This level has a knot pattern that i think is a monkey wrench so dodge that but allso a pants fly so it zips back and forth that one is a ***** to get gud but ive done it, also there introduce spin pattern where u hold don the butt like a casual and you still win so this level is pretty easy only noobs need and expanation but you’re a scrub tier G.
After you win the first 2 get 3 so you can win half.
Hopefully you won Hexagonda which let u do hexerbonner so now here you are.
Sexaroni-digiorno mode is possibly the hardest (lol hard) psart of the gam cuz cos you need to be rlly fast as the lines speedy. These lines hit down on you like the whip on the vulnerable child of sacrifce but you know it wont be invain wien you have the winning game. You have to tap one direction to 1 that part. Zayn is the sexiest direction
but also the game knows you are trying to win it so it will combust your monitor vision and you will probably lose. For this part i came wup with the strategy of look to press your face up real close to see your micropeni..triangle when it spin spins so you can prepare for the shrekening. for all you cute girl gamer ladies pretend ur do a selfie and youll b fyn.
So the next thing you must worry is that the game increase its gotting to go fast and you have to become one with your inner fast. if you feel that you are going too slow you must learn to come on and step it up for thoise moments when the ladies are watching you desperately try to win.
This one video helped me learne how fast it takes. This video is mine and mine alone I am the handsome guy playing it (no its not please dont embarssed me infront of my guide I will remove everything if you want to get involkved with me youtube video owner I apologuys.)
CONGRATS GRADUATING SCRUB TIERRRR!!!! MLG NOSCOPE TIER
YOU ARE SPECIAL
SO SPECIAL THAT THE REST OF THE GAME IS NOT 1 YET!
YOU HAVE 2 WIN IT STILL
FOR AM3RICA
#LOLMEEMS44444444444420
2LEVEL4FORLEVLE1
Look at yourself boy o
Evalute how long you have been slaving away and how sweaty you are.
If you dont get a good annal canoe sweat from playing you arent eating enough doridos to sustain your blood sugar while playing and you could pass out from
You should also stop getting sunlight and just practice because in addition to how awful the stupid chipmunky music is, this game is pretty bright but when it gets dark at night you might not be able to see the game so make sure that you turn the gamma up all the way for see.
Well level 4 hyperballsacktive disorder is pretty fun and it hurts a lot.
I guess you could relate it to testicular torsion.
Right after you 1 that last level u have 3 mo u ho 2 play so you can rlly win the ladies and also the game. You need 2 be faster cuz tey is hyper fast now an hard.
As always you need to look at the screen and doddge the faster ones.
Ateetenion! 1 important thing 2 note is that on a ll hyper lvls the shape rotating accatually counts MEWOW! so bassicaly if it roate to the right then if you go right you go fast but if u go left ur 2 slo. reember it kid.
Hyper5 CoolSelsunBlueOnPinkScrotam Action
If you havent hear the word knowlegde is king, yo.
Also you may have heard that you unlocked a new level, Hyper 5Agoner which is the exact same but faster.
They throw 2 monkey wrenches in a row on you and hit you with C’s all the game but they threw out the zipper one that i beat eerry time so you guys dont have 2 cri.
Also make sure you listen to some gud music like the Bertha Butt Boogie because you may get caught on this one for awhile before you big break hard out of meta like a butterfly of360noscope
Casual to Hero-roe
Well you made it to level six its like you really evolevd
This level is really difficult. Its the level 3 except it actually feels like levle 666 because of how brutal it is on you. The game is rlly r00d 2 you wwhen u play it cus youll lose and lose and the ladies will laugh it you all then time. I prepared a list of emotions you could possibly feel when playing this level.
You’ll start out like this
Then a little more like this
You will constantly feel agonizing pain and might evnne let a tear slip out of your manduct
And, Eventually you will degrade into this
However you have already found inner peace and this game is already a piece o cake for you so you dont have to worry about anything.
Wrong
This level is 2 hard for you.
Game over man game over
I already won this game a million times but you havent so you may as well try.
You wont win.
It has a 2-Step Viper in it mannnn.
I called the patterne that because if it bites you you’ll take 2 steps before you die its real plz give your charity generous 1 like = 1 respect
but to avoid the 2 step viper you enter the chamber hole and then 2 to the right and then 2 to the left.
#fedoraLyfe
You lose.
You came all this way to watch yourself slave over this game and inevitably lose everything. N3rd.
Going pro isnt for everyone i didnt ask for the thug lyfe i tried to teach but the kids they dont listen.
The goggles they do nothing. ~Dalt Wisney
GOOTECK’S PROFESSIONAL TIPS AND TRICKS
. 2 Step Viper is 2 to the right and then 2 to the left on HardonerestetesstE
.Pentagons are slippery and you can twerk your way out of them often by going 1 direction Harry is cutest
. Swaures are annoying but you can also go 1 way then they are obsolete until the end of it and the swap way attack
. In multiplayer deathmatch If you bite the other players you get bonus points and a pink slip
.Twerking is impossible in this game due to their being absolutely no graphics whatsoever it is practically Minecraft during the Beta
. Keyboard is the worst garbage and you need to gtfo
. Abusing hitboxes is always fine especially on double whirpools but only once kids! (Gootex is swell)
.This guide isnt racist if you even thought so you are igornant and should die now.
. You can’t win the last level unless you r me or hav bought the hax i made -Not for resale in United States
.Knowledge Is King
.If you spend 30 minutes or more not playing this game after playing then you will feel a slight paleness in your skin and you should go back to winning this game.
. No matter how hard you try to stop playing the game you can’t turn off the computer its like the exorcist except computers so basically its poltergeist (SHOTS FIRED MOVIE NERDS)
. it doesnt matter how global elite you are on that other account, it’s not about how hard you can hit. Its about how hard you can get hit and keep moving on honnghhonghhonghhongh