Overview
It’s the guide you’ve been waiting months for; the glitches no one thought were possible. Rejoice, Postal Dudes and Dudettes, for the time of Paradise Lost sequence-breaking is at long last upon us!
Introduction
With the release of Paradise Lost in 2015, RWS had hoped to make their revamped Paradise as tightly-coded as possible. Unfortunately, things will always go awry and that’s where I come in. I bring you the first-ever set of sequence-breaking glitches for Paradise Lost for all your game-breaking needs.
Trainyard Area > Church of the VD Clan (opens on Tuesday/Wednesday)
Would you believe that the first sequence-breaking glitch in Paradise Lost is as soon as you start? Turn right at the opening and look here:
Carefully duck jump up this sloped rock.
Then jump onto the huge boulder and advance forwards.
Within seconds of starting Paradise Lost, you have just broken into the Church a full day early!
If you were to try to leave now, you would end up here with an invisible wall blocking your way.
However, if you jump into the left corner of this sign, it’ll teleport you out. Hey, that sign wasn’t here earlier, now was it?
Anyway, there’s not much to do here besides collect the health pipes on the roof and pay respects to the dead.
Once you drop down from this area, you will not be able to get back unless you carefully duck jump up over the barrels from the other side.
Continue through the Cemetary until you find this building.
Go inside to collect the Sledgehammer a whole day early.
Now, we could try to enter the Church to cram an extra day of partying with Vince, but unfortunately they already have their zombie defenses up:
But hey, that’s what I’m here for, right? Jump over the bushes and head towards this destroyed sign.
Jump onto it and then onto this column:
Now carefully jump onto the roof. If you miss, you will have to kill yourself so be really careful!
Drop down this gap to enter the Church.
Wow, this place is empty…
It’s completely deserted except for this one RWS employee urinating in the Krotchy fountain.
There are two Postal Babes up on the balcony, but they’re oddly stiff. Approaching them will
Wait a minute, this isn’t right.
What’s going on?
Anyway, in a small office is a Bali, a shotgun, and a health pipe.
After this quiet excursion, it’s time to head on back to the Trainyard.
Hey, what the–
Trapped! With no way out but backwards into the Church. Our trip back to the Cemetary is blocked off. This is it, our final journey together. There’s no way out. We were betrayed by our own hubris, and now…these hollowed grounds haunted by the spectres of babes long past shall be our final resting place. In the end, was it all worth it? A couple of crack pipes, a bali, nothing we couldn’t have obtained elsewhere. As the sun sets upon our weary and withered face, a rush of endorphins surges through our brains as we remember all of our past sequence-breaking in the past. We’ve ran with scissors for the last time.
But what if Postal Dude was not kill?
Trainyard Area > Church of the VD Clan (opens on Tuesday/Wednesday) #2
Just like in Postal 2, you can go behind the Sexocco and climb the fence to get onto the top of the tunnel.
Fortunately, RWS was smart enough to block off the entrance to the Compound this time. However, we can still continue along this path to reach another entrance to the Church. Go up the hill towards the watchtower.
Continue up the hill until you see the bridge into town. Drop down into the pit.
We’re now in a dummied-out part of the Trainyard used in the Church area. If we head towards the Sewer entrance, we can clearly see it’s a fake.
If we go this way, we can see where the world ends.
So go the other way towards the load zone.
We’re now in the Church area again. If you try to leave, you will find yourself behind the level transition blocked by a boulder.
If we check the side of the Sewer entrance, we can see that there’s a bit of unfinished geometry.
SKIP ALL OF TUESDAY!
In what is perhaps the biggest sequence break in Postal history, we can skip ALL OF TUESDAY just by doing the previous sequence-break into the Church on that day. Simply head past the Sewer and towards the bridge and the Mike J cutscene will play. This glitch will make speed-running times much quicker…which means RWS will probably patch it out in the future.
It’s also worth mentioning that this skip prevents the PU Games staff from being added to the Map screen, making the game a little bit easier later on.
Church of the VD Clan > Obligatory Sewer Area (opens on Wednesday)
The Sewer area is almost completely empty. There are no Zombies or Survivalists and almost all the weapons are missing. Fortunately, we can still pick up a Revolver plus Shotgun and Machine Gun ammo.
Obligatory Sewer Area > Tora Bora (opens on Friday)
We can head into the Tora Bora with no barrier stopping us. The Tora Bora is completely empty with no NPCs at all. Fortunately, we can still collect some goodies.
There’s a Molotov right near the entrance.
A WMD Rocket under this ramp to the locker room:
Machine Gun & Shotgun ammo, plus some Flash Grenades and two Glock clips:
Over by this TV we have some fast food and…hey!
SKIP MONDAY “EAT” MISSION!
Well, looks like we don’t have to go to ♥♥♥♥ Asian, now. This is like the true definition of sequence-breaking. You don’t even have to do anything! Once you leave the Tora Bora, the Food Technicians get added to the map screen.
Before you leave, look for the huge empty room in the Tora Bora. Behind this huge brown silo:
A Rocket Launcher!
Also nearby is some valuable Catnip:
Obligatory Sewer Complex > Hell Hole (opens on Thursday)
From the opposite end of the Tora Bora entrance, we can enter the Hell Hole easily.
It’s not too exciting, it’s pretty much the same as it is on Thursday. For some reason the Fire in the Hole is locked off. The exits are open on this side, but closed on the other. Consider this a rule of thumb for Paradise Lost, though in two cases it can be exploited.
In an interesting twist, if we collect the newspaper here, it’ll actually count as the Monday one.
There’s some more Revolver ammo behind the big billboard. It’s precious at this point in Paradise Lost.
Hell Hole > Old Suburbs (opens on Thursday)
From the Hell Hole, we can only really travel to the Old Suburbs as it’s one of the rare areas that doesn’t use a load tunnel transition.
There’s not a whole lot to do here either besides get some SMG ammo from where the old Diseased Cow Head was in Postal 2.
Like in the Hell Hole, the game assumes it’s Thursday and the Chemical Factory mission hasn’t been done yet.
Strangely, the Cash 4 Cats guy isn’t here yet.
Bizarrely enough, if you were to sequence-break into here on Wednesday, the barrier would be gone!
A later sequence-break is dependent on the Survivalist Encampment in order to escape, so I’m wondering if the programmers actually knew about most of these tricks and removed the barrier flag on Wednesday so nobody like me could get stuck?
Old Suburbs > Hideout (opens on Thursday)
Remember how I said you needed a dog to break into the Parcel Center in Postal 2? Turns out I was wrong, you can just jump normally if you get a really good running start up the slope.
Same thing applies here. Continue down the path and duck jump when required.
Strangely, the windows are no longer here. You’ll just fall through a transparent texture into the Hideout.
The Hideout is completely empty except for the two newspapers you’ve collected. There’s no enemies or weapons or anything besides the mounted minigun. This trip is kind of a waste, but it’s still entertaining to break in.
SKIP CHEMICAL FACTORY MISSION!
By doing the above sequence-break on Thursday, you can collect the Cure and clear the mission without ever having to go to the Chemical Factory first. This has three major benefits. The first is that you skip the most tedious, boring, and laziest-designed mission in Paradise Lost. The second is that the gang members don’t get added to the map screen, so you don’t have to worry about them in the streets! The third is that this saves a huge chunk of time for speedrunning!
Old Suburbs > Survivalist Encampment (opens on Friday)
This is one of the few barriers that can actually be bypassed. Go around the back and duck jump to get stuck on the hill behind it.
You will be teleported into the tunnel of the Forest. Interestingly, if you try to go back the way you came, you’ll end up in the Ghetto with no way out! Strange.
Well actually, there’s a reason for this, but we’ll discuss it later. The level works pretty much the same as normal, with all the usual weapons you can get:
You can even get the C4 several days early!
Interestingly, there seems to be some sort of leftover unused code in this map on Monday. If you Easy Save before the Minigunner, die, then reload, you’ll get this message:
It seems RWS originally was more merciful to people who couldn’t clear this mission. It’ll teleport you to the Obligatory Sewer Complex after a few seconds. Once you leave the Sewer, you get this!
Uh-oh, now we’re really breaking the game! Hope you’re good at avoiding those Survivalists in the streets a few days early…perhaps the coolest benefit of this glitch is that it saves us the trouble of doing it on Friday! Look here:
The mission is already checked-off before it’s even described to you!
Survivalist Encampment > Old Suburbs (opens on Thursday)
Hey, you ever notice this fenced-off area in the main mission?
It turns out that behind the fence is the long-lost exit to the Suburbs from Postal 2! Go to this cliff right here:
If we go down the hole, we end up in…
The Old Suburbs? From the Hell Hole entrance? This is probably leftover coding because the old Postal 2 Forest had exits to both the Ghetto and the Suburbs. I guess whoever designed this new map didn’t take both entrances into account because now they both lead to the same Forest entrance.
Old Office Complex > Hovels Area (opens on Tuesday)
From the Old Office Complex, it’s easily possible to get stuck behind this barrier and teleport into the tunnel.
Just head forwards from the tunnel and you’ll be able to get into the Hovels Area a day early with no barrier blocking you on the other side.
There’s no way to get back, though, so we’ll need another sequence-break in order to return to the Old Office Complex.
Old Office Complex > Hovels Area (opens on Tuesday) #2
There is a second and MUCH harder entrance to the Hovels Area that is by far the hardest sequence-breaking glitch in all of Postal 2. Before you do this, make sure you get the Rocket Launcher from the Jail first. Climb up the Postal III house the usual way:
Now jump forwards onto this hill:
Carefully climb up this hill, using Easy Saves if you need to.
Duck jump onto this roof:
Now carefully jump onto the telephone wires from the roof:
Walk along and jump onto the concrete wall:
Now continue down the wall,
until you reach an invisible wall blocking you. You will have to get onto the raised part of the concrete wall and duck jump over it:
You can continue until you reach another invisible wall which CAN’T be duck jumped over:
Make an Easy Save and carefully Rocket Jump over the invisible wall while duck jumping. You’ll just BARELY make it!
Stroll along until you can look down and see the load tunnel.
Heal up if your health is too low and drop down.
Run to the mound.
Now unfortunately, there is an invisible floor blocking you from jumping in. Luckily, we can teleport into the tunnel if we fall into the void. Make an Easy Save first just in case it doesn’t work.
Hovels Area > Hell Hole (opens on Thursday)
This one is actually pretty simple compared to the previous glitch. Near the first entrance to the Hovels Area from the Old Office Complex, look for this house on a hill with this fence:
Duck jump onto the fence then onto the hill:
Now turn around and duck jump onto the concrete wall:
Follow the wall until you reach the tunnel:
Now look down. It’s the load tunnel!
Drop down onto it and run along the invisible floor until you reach the mound:
Carefully duck jump onto the lip of the mound and into the hole.
From here, you can just run down the tunnel until the Hell Hole loads. On Monday, this is your only escape from the Hovels Area.
Habib’s Survival Store > Hell Hole (opens on Thursday)
Okay, now here’s a really weird one.
All you have to do is walk up to the wall behind the hole:
The angled wall has no clipping, so you can just walk through and fall onto the top of the load tunnel:
Just move forwards and it’ll load the Hell Hole from the top of the tunnel. Don’t try to fall here, this level is flagged to kill you if you drop in the void.
If you try to leave through the Sewer on Wednesday, you’ll find your passage blocked:
You will have to escape by going to the Old Suburbs, then the Survivalist Encampment, and then the Sewer from that entrance. With how easy this glitch is, I’m almost wondering if it was deliberate on the part of the level designers so testers could test other maps on different days. The noclip wall is literally right above the tunnel!
Skip the Two-Ears boss fight
In the Hideout on Thursday, make sure you have your Revolver meter filled up. Open the door and inch forwards until you can jump. Highlight Two-Ears’ head (he’s the one not on stage) while jumping, land, jump again, and release. This will kill him instantly and the cutscene will bug out.
Huge Survivalist Encampment shortcut #1
There are 4 shortcuts in the Survivalist Encampment mission that can be used to skip the majority of this long, painful mission for speedruns. On POSTAL difficulty, it can be a real life-saver. From the entrance, turn around and duck jump up the cliffs:
Just climb up the right side and you can easily drop down to under the bridge near the exit:
Use the teleport glitch in the “Old Suburbs > Survivalist Encampment” section to get past the locked fence and obtain the C4.
Huge Survivalist Encampment shortcut #2
Right after the cutscene, there is a watchtower by the bridge:
Climb up it and then duck jump onto the right ledge:
From here, you can easily fall down to underneath the bridge where the exit is!
Huge Survivalist Encampment shortcut #3
Here is the third shortcut on this long, painful level. At the first set of tents, there is this huge watchtower.
The enemy up here is actually glitched and will never attack you, so kill him off. Turn around:
This hill can be jumped to, but you have to be careful as there are invisible walls blocking much of it. Jump slightly to the left here to get to the hill.
You can now run along the walls and get to the C4 much quicker and easier. However, there is another neat trick we can do. Go to the right of where you land and carefully climb here. You might need to Easy Save here, because it’s tricky.
You can actually reach the platform the Minigun is on if you’re careful enough.
Once you’re there, carefully duck jump around the barrier to get to the Minigun. Strangely, there is an invisible wall blocking the gun.
Press use and SPLAT! Well, well, it seems the Survivalist was cloaked and we just telefragged him.
After having some fun firing at nothing, we can go get the C4 and escape freely with no Minigun to worry about!
Huge Survivalist Encampment shortcut #4
This fourth shortcut isn’t quite as useful, but whatever. By the guitar-playing Survivalist’s corpse, you can duck jump onto this fence here:
Then you can duck jump onto the hill and run along side it to the C4.
The super-secret Postal III stash
Our sequence-breaking quest is over, but there’s some more stuff we can do. It turns out there is in fact a secret inside a secret in Paradise Lost! Inside the unreachable attic of the Postal III dev’s house is some stange stuff. On Monday, there is a dildo:
On later days (this shot was taken on Friday), there is a whole secret stash of weapons that oddly enough cannot be picked up. I wonder if the map designer intended this to be a secret spot for items, but no one told them that the attic was unreachable? You can throw grenades and see they bounce off an invisible floor.
However, by jumping into the ceiling from the bathtub, you can actually clip through partially and collect this super-secret stash! Have fun smacking people with the dildo on Monday!
The secret cat room in the CCCP
Ever wondered how to get into the room with all the cats in the CCCP?
Well, with the Sledgehammer we earned sequence-breaking into the Church, we can easily break in!
It’s, uh…it’s just a bunch of deaf cats. Still cool that there’s a way in, though. We can also break in through the back and go through the level in reverse.
However, doing so will create an invisible mound of crap in front of the entrance, preventing you from clearing the mission unless you leave the Mall and come back.
The REAL D*** Message achievement!
Something most people might not realize is that you can hit Krotchy during the projector sequence to end it early for an achievement. What nobody knew is that it’s possible to kill Krotchy with a little help. The new Revolver weapon when charged up has an alternate fire that can highlight enemies’ heads to kill them instantly. It works on both normal NPCs, cutscene NPCs (like the Postal III dude and Vince on the roof of the church), and even most bosses.
The problem is, killing Krotchy prevents you from escaping since the door is locked and the window is unbreakable. The good news is that with our new Sledgehammer we’re not supposed to own yet, we can easily break through the door and escape. Or, we can break in and watch the cutscene before we even ask anyone about Champ!
Doing this won’t clear the mission, though. Anyway, time to give Krotchy a bad touch.
Kick him to these cars and light ’em on fire!
Ooh, roasted wang.
The law doesn’t give a crap what we do to him.
Even the gangs want some wang!
The Velociraptor’s one true weakness
The raptors in the CCCP Easter Egg are known for being the hardest enemies in all of Postal due to their quick speed and inability to get stunned from attacks. As it turns out, they actually DO have one weakness: the Axe. Well, the Axe and the Sledgehammer, but the Sledgehammer is too slow.
The Axe will knock them out of their attack and cause them to backpedal a little bit. With good timing, you can kill the raptors quickly without ever taking a single hit thanks to the Survivalist Encampment glitch on Monday.
Getting stuck in the ColeMine #1
If you have the Chompy plug-in, it’s possible to get stuck in the ColeMine and have to resort to suicide. While Big McWillis is invincible to weapons, he is vulnerable to Chompy.
The chanting will stop and you will be unable to pass by the invisible wall blocking the bridge.
Getting stuck in the ColeMine #2
If you have the Chompy plug-in, you can use it during the final drill sequence to turn invincible.
Doing so will cause rubble to block off the exit, forcing you to kill yourself or load a previous save.
Obligatory Sewer Complex > Survivalist Encampment (opens on Friday) *CHEAT ONLY*
Take out your newly-earned Rocket Launcher and head to the side of the Tora Bora entrance. You will need to make a double rocket jump, both from here to this pipe,
and then from the pipe to the alcove:
Unfortunately, we’re stuck here…unless we use cheat codes! Activate SuperMario and jump up to the ladder. When you load the next zone, you’ll end up back down but you can jump back up and climb out into the Forest.
The Survivalists are pretty glitched-out, and most of them haven’t spawned in yet. Don’t take the C4 yet or else it’ll block off the rest of the level. Some of the Survivalists are bugged out and don’t have their cutscene animations loaded yet. You can kill them without a problem.
Continue towards the entrance and, hey!
The Postal III Dude!
Have you seen this dog in the picture?
Hey, you there buddy?
Maybe this will refresh your memory.
Come on, have you seen Champ anywhere?
I’m not getting answers, pal.
Just tell me where the f–
Oh.
If you head towards the start, the cutscene will trigger and you’ll have to play the level as normal. I don’t suggest you do that, especially since the load tunnel is blocked off on the other side anyway, so have your fun with the Postal III Dude and head back to the Sewer, dispersing any Survivalists with the Axe.
Conclusion
I hope you enjoyed this little sequence-breaking guide as much as I had discovering all these glitches. It’s a bit disappointing that Paradise Lost is more limited than Postal 2 but hey, I bet RWS didn’t even expect there to be ANY sequence-breaking in this DLC! Especially not that handy “Skip Tuesday” glitch.
With the help of this guide, you too can get super-fast speedrunning times for Paradise Lost and get the Adderall4All achievement much easier!
In case you are wondering, no it is not possible to break into the Library. You can do the exact same method, but it’ll just warp you to the tunnel under Habib’s Survival Store. I don’t believe there even is an area inside the library you can walk in anymore. Also, that Postal Dude floating in the void screenshot was taken from a botched attempt at entering the Medicinal Herb Farm.
If you want some more sequence-breaking action, why not check out my original Postal 2 Sequence-Breaking guide?
