Overview
A user-friendly guide to all of the collectible equipment/costumes and weapons, with extra sections for weapon strap-ons and equipment patches. The former is intended to help with the two achievements for collecting everything. The latter is just to aid the gameplay, so players can better plan what they want to get and choose in what order to tackle things.
Intro
Because the first two sections are meant to help people figure out what they missed, the items will be organized exactly as they appear in the collectibles section of the game menu. If you have a ???, find the nearest item that you do have then search for that item in this guide. The item you are missing will be adjacent. Also, because the guide is intended for people who have completed the game, you should consider some information to contain spoilers.
Because the last two sections are meant to help people play the game more effectively, the items will be organized by level first and (if applicable) by chronology second.
I am making this guide because for some reason, no such guide like this yet exists. This is the type of information that I wished that I had when I worked on finishing all achievements, and sadly the information could only be found burried in less user-friendly guides (which helps no one when the game gives them no clue as to what they need to search for).
Equipment
Item name (required level) – how to acquire
! = missable, location cannot be returned to upon leaving
!* = missable, location is only accessible between certain story milestones
Crown of Anal Pleasure (13) – automatically looted after disarming snuke
Barbarian Outfit (12)
– Barbarian Helmet – chest in Vancouver
– Barbarian Armor – chest in Canada’s cave
– Barbarian Gloves – automatically looted after killing spider
Minstrel Outfit (6) – buy for $10.00, $20.00, and $5.00 at the shop in Kyle’s backyard
Wife Beater (1) – in Kenny’s garage
Leather Outfit (12) – buy for $13.00, $24.00, and $8.00 from the shop in the girls’ base
Bling (1) – in the evidence room of the police station (second floor, on the right)
Training Gloves (1) – buy for $2.00 from the hobo in front of U-store-it
Cheese Outfit (7) – buy for $10.00, $20.00, and $5.00 from Mr. Mackey in the community center
! Condom Cap (13) – chest behind the bat in Mr. Slave’s intestines
Crab Outfit (13) – chest beside the Crab People near sewer exit (Nagasaki required to access)
Surgical Scrubs (10) – operating room A
Druid Outfit (4)
– Druid Crown – Clyde’s garage attic
– Druid Robes – Stan’s garage attic
– Druid Gloves – Butters’ garage
Du Rag (1) – buy for $2.00 from the hobo in front of U-store-it
Wood Elf Outfit (4)
– Wood Elf Cap – chest in Jimmy’s bedroom
– Wood Elf Armor – automatically looted after beating anti-mage
– Wood Elf Gloves – loot the elves in Jimmy’s attic
Friar Outfit (3)
– Friar Cap – Token’s garage attic
– Friar Robes – Tweek’s brewmaster chest
– Friar Gloves – Tweek’s brewmaster chest
! Gnome Outfit (9)
– Gnome Helmet – bag above the mousetrap after entering the mouse hole in your bedroom
– Gnome Clothes – bag left of the fuses while traversing through aforementioned mouse hole
– Gnome Gloves – loot the gnomes in your bedroom
Goth Clothes (5) – buy for $5.00, $8.00, and $3.00 from the hobo in front of U-store-it
Sweaty Headband (1) – buy for $2.00 from the hobo in front of U-store-it
Clyde’s Helmet (2) – buy for $6.00 from the KKK shop
Gas Mask (2) – buy for $5.00 from Jimbo’s
Jester’s Cap (7) – Jimmy’s garage
Khan Outfit (11) – buy for $13.00, $24.00, and $8.00 from the KKK shop
! Knight Outfit (13)
– Knight Helmet – chest on the 3rd floor of Clyde’s fortress
– Knight Armor – chest on the 4th floor of Clyde’s fortress
– Knight Gauntlets – loot the cyclops on the 1st floor of Clyde’s fortress
KKK Outfit (4) – buy for $10.00, $20.00, and $5.00 from the KKK shop
Monk Outfit (10) – buy for $11.00, $22.00, and $7.00 from the shop in Kyle’s backyard
! Necromancer Outfit (9)
– Necromancer Hood – loot the enemies on the 2nd floor of the school
– Necromancer Robes – loot the ginger Nazi zombie in the school basement
– Necromancer Gloves – loot the enemies in the school cafeteria
Bishop Vestments (12) – buy for $16.12, $29.76, and $9.92 (Canadian dollars) in Banff
Woodsman Outfit (9) – buy for $11.00, $22.00, and $7.00 from the shop in Kyle’s backyard
! Alien Outfit
– Alien Helmet – chest behind Randy during UFO
– Alien Suit – chest next to the elevator
– Alien Gloves – loot the alien security chief at the final console (disables the alarm)
Fairy Princess Outfit (14) – buy for $15.00, $25.00, and $10.00 from the shop in the girls’ base
Squire Outfit (6)
– Squire Helmet – teleport to the chest from the roof of Professor Chaos’s lair
– Squire Armor – Token’s roof
– Squire Gloves – roof of Tom’s Rhinoplasty
Stupid Spoiled ♥♥♥♥♥ Outfit (11) – buy for $11.00, $22.00, and $7.00 from the shop in the girls’ base
!* SWAT Tactical Gear (8) – loot the SWAT after infiltrating “Taco Bell” (can return later, but will disappear after finishing the main story)
! Tinfoil Hat (5) – automatically looted after killing hobo Nazi zombie on UFO (go down the ladder after freeing Randy)
! Underpants Helmet (11) – loot the gnomes on your parents’ dresser
Valkyrie Armor (14) – chest in the girls’ base
Witch Outfit (8)
– Witch Hat – underneath the bench in front of Tweek Bros. (gnome dust required)
– Witch Robes – inside the log left of the school (gnome dust required)
– Witch Gloves – chest behind Jimmy’s fency (gnome dust required)
Weapons
Sword of Endings (12) – buy for $23.00 at the shop in Kyle’s backyard
Archmage’s Wand (11) – buy for $27.28 (Canadian dollars) at the shop in Vancouver
Axe of Stopping (8) – buy for $12.00 at the KKK shop
Axe of the Underworld (13) – chest in Jimbo’s for completing all hunts
Billy Club of Smiting (2) – automatically looted for defeating security guard at Token’s house
!* Stone Hammer (7) – roof of “Taco Bell” (no longer available after completing main story)
Canadian Halberd (12) – buy for $28.52 (Canadian dollars) at the shop in Ottawa
Claymore of the Warrior (11) – buy for $28.52 (Canadian dollars) at the shop in Ottawa
! Crutch of Weakness (4) – loot Jimmy
Elf Blade (6) – buy for $12.00 at the shop in Kyle’s backyard
Kris Dagger (2) – buy for $5.50 at the KKK shop
Fatbeard’s Blade (6) – buy for $12.00 at the KKK shop
Fire Sword (10) – buy for $14.00 at the KKK shop
Flamberge Rapier (11) – buy for $27.90 (Canadian dollars) at the shop in Winnipeg
! Gnome Pickaxe (9) – bag by the exit when traversing the mousehole of your bedroom
Staff of Winter (8) – buy for $12.00 at the KKK shop
Sweet Katana (14) – buy for $75.00 at Jimbo’s
Lightning Wand (2) – buy for $5.00 at the KKK shop
Warrior’s Longsword (8) – buy for $12.00 at Jimbo’s
!* Mace of Restoration (4) – in the Hall Monitor’s locker
ManBearPig Claw (11) – loot ManBearPig
! Master Razor (10) – bag under the floor of Unplanned Parenthood
ManBearPig Club (8) – in Al Gore’s secret room
Holy Massad Knife (11) – buy for $26.66 (Canadian dollars) at the shop in Banff
Kenny’s Bloody Club (2) – Kenny’s garage attic
Noob Hammer (3) – buy for 6.00 at the KKK shop
! Alien Probe (5) – chest next to the UFO elevator leading to the cockpit
Raider’s Blade (8) – buy for $13.00 at the shop in Kyle’s backyard
Rod of Major Boobage (9) – buy for $16.90 from Mr. Mackey in the community center
Rod of Waste (7) – chest in the sewer
Knead-ring, the Dough Hammer (12) – buy for $16.00 at the shop in the girls’ base
Holy Hammer of Smiting (7) – automatically looted from ginger in the school basement
Serrated Axe of Rending (11) – chest in Vancouver
Dire Scepter (11) – either free loot from the Bishop of Banff if you kill him, or it must be bought for
$44.64 (Canadian dollars) at the shop in Banff if you spare him
Warrior’s Scimitar (2) – buy for $5.00 at the KKK shop
Sickle Sword (2) – buy for $4.50 at the KKK shop
Fairy Princess Blade (13) – buy for $24.00 at the shop in the girls’ base
Magic Wand (1) – buy for $2.34 at the KKK shop
Rogue’s Dagger (1) – buy for $2.34 at the KKK shop
Jewish Staff (1) – buy for $2.34 at the KKK shop
Warrior’s Blade (1) – buy for $2.34 at the KKK shop
! Vibroblade (14) – loot the Nazi zombie bacteria inside Mr. Slave
Club of Smiting (4) – buy for $10.00 at the KKK shop
! Alien Ray Gun (4) – automatically looted from Aliens
Bar Darts (3) – complete Skeeter’s quest
! Basketball (8) loot fallen ally in the school cafeteria
Batdadarang (7) – buy for $14.00 from Mr. Mackey in the community center
Battle Bow (11) – buy for $23.00 from the shop in Kyle’s backyard
! Super Bouncy Ball (10) – bag above the mousetrap after entering the mousehole in your bedroom
Broken Bottle (6) – loot hobos after finding Cornwallis in the sewer
Chakram (14) – buy for $24.00 at the shop in the girls’ base
Crossbow of Impalement (14) – buy for $50.00 at Jimbo’s
! Dodgeball (3) – loot the ginger who has the brass key
Grenade of Slowing (14) – chest in Jimbo’s for completing all hunts
Elvish Longbow (10) – buy for $16.00 at the shop in Kyle’s backyard
Elvish Shortbow (3) – automatically looted from the elves in Jimmy’s basement
! Lawn Dart (13) – chest on the 1st floor of Clyde’s fortress
Longbow (6) – buy for $12.00 at the shop in Kyle’s backyard
! Mongorian Bow (3) – automatically looted during the tower of peace quest
! Poison Grenade (11) – drawer in Unplanned Parenthood
Recurve Bow (9) – buy for $18.00 at the shop in Kyle’s backyard
Discus of Bleeding (12) – chest in Banff
Missile of Slowing (4) – complete Kevin Stoley’s quest
Fairy Princess Bow (12) – buy for $24.00 at the shop in the girls’ base
Bow of Sucking (1) – automatically looted during beginning tutorial
Wooden Crossbow (6) – buy for $14.00 at Jimbo’s
Weapon Strap-Ons
Required level
Strap-on name – effect – how to acquire
2
Skull Sticker – adds 5 base damage to weapon – in locker 02 of the police station
Dead Bird – adds 5 gross damage on perfect attack – buy for $2.00 from the hobo in front of U-store-it
Toothpick – adds 1 bleeding on perfect attack – buy for $2.00 from the hobo in front of U-store-it
Small Needle – attacks ignore 5 armor – in the laundry machine in Jimmy’s basement
Wooden Crossguard – deflect 10% more damage when you block an attack – in the drawer in Jimmy’s house (upstairs hallway)
Small Shield Sticker – attacks remove an additional shield – Jimmy’s garage
3
Lightning Sticker – adds 10 shock damage on perfect attack – buy for $2.00 from KKK shop
Lit Match – adds 10 fire damage on perfect attack – buy for $2.00 from KKK shop
Glass Shard – adds 10% damage on perfect attack – loot gingers in the faculty room of school
Sparkly Heart Sticker – gain 1 PP on perfect attack – in the drawer in Jimmy’s parents’ bedroom
4
Tuft of Ginger Pubic Hair – adds 20 gross damage on perfect attack – loot gingers in the school
5
Alien Energy Crystal – adds 15 shock damage on perfect attack – in the chest behind the interface you find at the very bottom-right corner of the UFO
Shattered Anal Probe – adds 15% damage on perfect attack – in the chest found by activating the teleport at the very top-right corner of the UFO
Cult Pamphlet – drain up to 25 HP from bleeding targets – in the chest by the elevator to the UFO’s cockpit
6
Iron Crossguard – deflect 15% more damage when you block an attack – buy for $5.00 from Jimbo
Demon Sticker – adds 20 base damage to weapon – chest on the roof of the police station
Animal Testicle – adds 30 gross damage on perfect attack – kill the Penis Mouse and tell Jimbo
Small Nail – attacks ignore 30 armor – buy for $5.00 at the shop in Kyle’s backyard
Ice Cube – adds 25 frost damage on perfect attack – inside Kyle’s fridge
Small Battery – adds 25 shock damage on perfect attack – inside Mr. Mackey’s PO box
7
Zippo Lighter – adds 25 fire damage on perfect attack – loot the 6th graders after obtaining their cigarettes
Large Shield – attacks remove an additional 3 shields – buy for $5.00 from Mr. Mackey in the community center
Chef’s Skewer – attacks ignore 60 armor – inside the school cafeteria fridge
Drill Bit – adds 2 bleeding on perfect attack – in the closet in the 5th grade classroom
8
Plastic Vampire Teeth – drain up to 50 HP from bleeding targets – kill the fruit bat and tell Jimbo
Roll of Quarters – adds 50 base damage to weapon – buy for $5.00 at the shop in Kyle’s backyard
Moon Rock – adds 50 frost damage on perfect attack – inside the CIA truck at the mall
Tesla Coil – adds 50 shock damage on perfect attack – inside a cabinet when you infiltrate “Taco Bell”
Page of Unfinished Homework – reduce target’s defense on perfect attack – buy for $5.00 from Mr. Mackey in the community center
Zombie Flesh – adds 50 gross damage on perfect attack – loot the ginger Nazi zombies in the school basement
9
! Ninja Sticker – adds one hit to melee weapons (only works when applied to melee weapons, cannot receive effect when applied to ranged weapons) – chest in the 4th grade classroom, this is one of the most powerful strap-ons in the game, so be sure not to miss it before choosing to fight Cartman/Kyle
Small Butane Torch – adds 50 fire damage on perfect attack – in the lunchbox where you find Simon in the sewer
10
Wooden Hilt – deflect 20% more damage when you block an attack – buy for $10.00 from Jimbo
Wooden Grip – adds 80 base damage to weapon – roof of Token’s house
Gnome Pickaxe Head – attacks ignore 100 armor – bag by fuses when traversing mouse hole in your bedroom
11
Sparkly Unicorn Sticker – gain 4 PP on perfect attack – select a matching outfit during the makeover. A heart will appear when you select an item the matches your previous selections. You do not have to guess correctly the first time. If you do not get the heart, keep selecting other options.
IV Needle – adds 3 bleeding on perfect attack – drawer in Unplanned Parenthood
Wad of Liposuction Fat – adds 100 gross damage on perect attack – drawer outside operating room B
Obsidian Shard – adds 30% damage on perfect attack – kill spider and tell Jimbo
12
Metal Grip – adds 100 base damage to weapon – East of the South Park sign there is a bench with a path hidden behind a tree. Go North of the tree to find a hidden area. Use gnome dust to get under a log here and open the duffel bag.
Wire Hangar – adds 35% damage on perfect attack – drawer in operating room B
Grave Dirt – drain up to 100 HP from bleeding targets – use gnome dust to get inside the garage with the garage door that sticks/will not open
Frozen Maple Syrup – adds 100 frost damage on perfect attack – on the island North of Canada
Joy Buzzer – lowers enemy attack on perfect attack – chest in Ottawa palace
Dire Bear Claw Keychain – attacks ignore 200 armor – buy for $18.60 (Canadian) in Winnipeg
Fortitude – heal 20% of HP after a magic attack – buy for $24.80 (Canadian) in Winnipeg
13
Iron Hilt – deflect 25% more damage when you block an attack – buy for $20.00 from Jimbo
Lightning Rod – adds 100 shock damage on perfect attack – loot the Cyclops on 3rd floor of Clyde’s Fortress
Brimstone – adds 100 fire damage on perfect attack – loot Craig
Broken Saw Blade – adds 40% damage on perfect attack – use gnome dusk to open bag behind the final shop in Clyde’s fortress
14
Rubber Grip – adds 250 base damage to weapon – buy for $24.80 (Canadian) in Ottawa
Jewpacabra Claw – reduce target’s armor by 100 on perfect attack – backpack on 1st floor of Clyde’s fortress
Shard of the Dark Lord’s Crown – attacks ignore 400 armor – chest on 3rd floor of Clyde’s fortress
Bayonette – adds 5 bleeding on perfect attack – buy for $20.00 at the shop in Clyde’s fortress
Hot Topic Catalogue – drain up to 250 HP from bleeding targets – buy for $20.00 at the shop in Clyde’s fortress
Equipment Patches
1
Suit of Armor – adds 5 armor – kill the farm cow and tell Jimbo
2
Studded Dog Collar – causes 10 damage to opponents when they melee attack you – kill junkyard dog and tell Jimbo
Bow and Arrow – gain 1 PP per ranged attack – duffel bag in Jimmy’s attic
3
Buckyball Magnets – collects 10% more cash than normal – evidence room of the police station
Shard of a Beer Bottle – gain 1 PP per melee attack – buy for $5.00 from the hobo in front of U-Store-It
Action Hero Badge – gain 2 PP per kill – inside the movie theatre
Flaming Sword – gain 2 PP per fire damage dealt – locked chest in tower of peace
Healer – adds 25 HP to healing received – janitor’s closet inside school
Cheerleader – gain 1 PP per turn – inside Mr. Mackey’s desk
4
Ghost – each attack leeches 10 HP from target – Priest’s office inside church
Red Cross Badge – gain 1 PP per healing received – roof of Professor Chaos’s lair
♥♥♥♥-stained – gain 2 PP per gross damage dealt – chest outside Kenny’s garage
Duelist – adds 10 base damage to melee attacks – chest behind charcoal and grill
Bubble-gum Wrapper – heal 5 HP per turn – loot ginger boss
Arrow – adds 5 base damage to ranged attacks – cupboard in Jimmy’s kitchen
Alien Defense Matrix – adds 7 armor – loot the Aliens at the top of the UFO
5
Samurai Warrior – adds 10 armor – chest on police station roof
6
Crossed Swords – gain 1 PP when you block an attack – buy for $5.00 at the KKK shop
Snowflake – gain 2 PP per frost damage dealt – Photo-Dojo roof
Elvish Loyalty – increase max HP by 5% – Kyle’s backyard
Candy Bar Wrapper – heal 25 HP per turn – buy for $5.00 at shop in Kyle’s backyard
Weightlifting – adds 10% to ability damage dealt – buy for $10.00 from Mr. Mackey in community center
7
Moldy – adds 10% to gross damage dealt – buy for $10.00 at the KKK shop
Axe – adds 10% to 2-handed weapon damage dealt – buy for $10.00 at the KKK shop
Amazon – gain 2 PP per ranged attack – teleport from the attic of the left-most house
Circuit – adds 10% to shock damage dealt – teleport in Stark’s Pond
Exoskeleton – adds 15 armor – duffel bag near sewer exit
ManBearPig Hoof – each attack leeches 50 HP from target – inside Al Gore’s secret room
Small Magnet – collects 20% more cash than normal – Kyle’s garage
Quiver – adds 10% to bow weapon damage dealt – buy for $5.00 at shop in Kyle’s backyard
Mace – adds 10% to 1-handed weapon damage dealt – buy for $5.00 at shop in Kyle’s backyard
Fingerless Glove – adds 10% to thrown weapon damage dealt – buy for $5.00 from Mr. Mackey in community center
Boxing Badge – gain 5 PP per kill – loot enemies in the shool cafeteria
South Park Cows – gain 3 PP per turn – inside air duct in school
Snowball – adds 10% to frost damage dealt – teleport up to pipe inside air duct (in school)
Daywalker – adds 2 to max PP – loot ginger Nazi zombies in school basement
Sword – gain 2 PP per melee attack – loot Butters/Stan
8
Valkyrie – adds 40 base damage to ranged attacks – duffel bag near sewer entrance
ManBearPig Ear – adds 15% damage if you are <25% HP – loot Al Gore
Pentagram – adds 50 base damage to melee attacks – loot Nazi zombies at mall
Thorny Branch – causes 25 damage to opponents when they melee attack you – buy for $5.00 at the shop in Kyle’s backyard
Battery Label – gain 1 PP per shock damage dealt – duffel bag near school basement exit
10
Sword and Shield – gain 2 PP when you block an attack – buy for $10.00 from Jimbo
Miner – increases max HP by 10% – loot gnomes in your bedroom
Don’t Tread on Me – gain 1 PP per damage received – loot gnomes on your parents’ dresser
Self-defense – adds 25 armor – chest inside City Sushi (gnome dust required)
Burning Skull – gain 5 PP per fire damage dealt – bag inside sewer wall East of power generator
Socialized Medicine – adds 100 HP to healing received – buy for $12.40 (Canadian) in Banff
11
Mr. Yuck – gain 5 PP per gross damage dealt – kill Bacteria (school basement) and tell Jimbo
Iron Skewers – adds 100 base damage to melee attacks – inside Chef’s PO box
Elven Archer – adds 80 base damage to ranged attacks – bag in King’s Forest of Kyle’s backyard (gnome dust required)
Jesus Loves Me – gives Rebirth effect at start of combat – bag in pipe inside Unplanned Parenthood
White Whale – adds 20% damage if you are <25% HP – chest in Jimbo’s after completing hunts
12
Federation Badge – adds 3 to max PP – dresser in Stoley’s parents’ bedroom (key is in the chest behind Jimmy’s fence; gnome dust required)
Katana – adds 20% to 2-handed weapon damage dealt – chest inside City Sushi (gnome dust required)
Gauntlet – adds 20% to thrown weapon damage dealt – underneath the bench in front of Tweek Bros. (gnome dust required)
Crossbow – adds 20% to bow weapon damage dealt – pen inside barn (gnome dust required)
Golden Ticket – heal 100 HP per turn – behind bank counter (gnome dust required)
Fencing – adds 20% to 1-handed weapon damage dealt – bag in newsroom air duct (gnome dust required)
Avalanche Awareness – adds 25% to frost damage dealt – inside log West of school (gnome dust required)
High Voltage Warning Label – gain 3 PP per shock damage dealt – closet in Photo-Dojo
Demon Claw – causes 75 damage to opponents when they melee attack you – buy for $12.40 (Canadian) in Banff
Broken Shield – attacks remove an additional 5 shields – buy for $24.80 (Canadian) in Vancouver
Frozen Skull – gain 5 PP per frost damage dealt – loot dire animals in cave
Jellyfish – adds 25% to shock damage dealt – chest by Crab People (Nagasaki required)
Fungus – adds 25% to gross damage dealt – loot Nazi zombie bacteria inside Mr. Slave
Ghost Pepper – adds 25% to fire damage dealt – chest behind bat inside Mr. Slave
13
Ranger – adds 100 base damage to ranged attacks – chest in Banff
Barbarian – adds 200 base damage to melee attacks – loot dire animals in cave
Turtle – gives defense up effect at start of combat – chest in Jimbo’s after completing hunts
Prenuptial Document – each attack leeches 100 HP from target – buy for $10.00 at the shop in the girls’ base
Superhero – adds 20% to ability damage dealt – command Butters to heal Wendy
Dairy Council – gain 5 PP per turn – bag underneath Clyde’s fortress (gnome dust required)
Berserker – gives attack up effect at start of combat – chest on 1st floor of Clyde’s fortress
Brown Badge of Courage – increase max HP by 15% – duffel bag in Mr. Slave’s stomach
14
Purple Heart Badge – adds 250 HP to healing received – loot ManBearPig
Tactical Armor Pad – adds 40 armor – loot SWAT inside Mr. Slave
Six-fingered Hand – adds 30% damage if you are <25% HP – buy for $20.00 at the shop in Clyde’s fortress
Barbed Wire – causes 200 damage to opponents when they melee attack you – collect all 30 chinpokomon.