How to blow out your eardrums

find both different microphones and equip both of them. They are called the high and low microphones and are the only 1 handed instruments in vanilla game play. Once you have both microphones equipped play any song.

You now have music playing at obnoxiously loud levels. This may also lag your game so be careful.
Beware this is the most powerful weapon in the game because it can damage you IRL.

THIS IS A WAR CRIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!