Overview
I am Ulfric Stormcloak, and I have come to declare the truth. The sheer amount of honesty I am about to spread has gained me no allies, instead the contrary. As a result of my knowledge the Thalmor themselves have made it their personal goal, to eradicate myself and my associates from existence. The Thalmor desire to exploit my cynicism, my inner grievances and convert these thoughts in sheer chaotic energy. All around us we see degeneracy, Tic Tok harlots, enlisted by the Chinese government to dance in lewd clothing in their barren bedrooms, while lipsyncing extraordinarily average songs. These harlots are determined to extinguish the dregs of purity in our society, they seek to hinder, and inhibit our beautiful way of life. Fortunately the mediocracy of Tic Tok is disintergrating even as I write. It is uplifting to observe that they a dimming light in these uncertain, nebulous times.Now to engage in a more optimistic outlook let us reminiscence on the times when we have sought enjoyment. Let us discover the ability to conceive and experience jubilancy, the very act of merrymaking.You may be inquiring why I raise the origins, the true source of where fun stems from. The reason is simple, it is because of Crusader Kings 2. For all those of you who do not know, Crusader Kings 2 is a fairly ‘unique’ and ‘special’ game, deterring regular functional individual from enjoying the creativity it provides. Often people I have met actually feign ignorance or pretend that they outright despise the game in order to fit in order to avoid becoming a social outcast. I do not blame them, this game is a disturbing whirlpool which promotes pedophilia, beastiality and all sorts of degeneracy, it is getting to the point where even I have a problem with it. However, despite all of this the games promotion still remains a nostalgic memory, a memory of a time when things were much simpler, and honestly more beautiful and pure then they are today.While playing Crusader Kings 2 you may notice that the idea of fun is lacking, and that the only enjoyment you get out of the game is playing while selling your personal thrall girls, sexting young uns or while beating miscreants with bats outdoors. I wager that your memories of the actual game itself, including the mechanics, characters and complexity of the game remaining an utter, hazy mess.Fortunately I have also been in your shoes, fellow viewer and have realised that to have genuine fun while playing this game certain unconventional tactics are a necessity.As I am certain we are all aware, CK2 is a relatively repetitive and stale game, with the amount of fun being subject to how imaginative our minds are. While the game presents ludicrously amusing activities such as beating your wife, imprisoning undisciplined children, impregnating a rosebush, or creating a bear empire, other aspects such as diplomacy, battles, warfare and taxation are utterly tedious, and solely rely on how vibrant our minds can be. As a result this guide will be used to give you necessary tips in ensuring that you have fun, in the event of your mind being unable to conjure wildly intriguing ideas.
Using A Loud Horn
While engaging within the game, and attempting to learn the complexity, and utterly baffling features you may require a wake up call in order to fully pay attention. To get straight to the point, a loud horn will be required. Every time you begin to feel fatigued simply grip the horn and blow 30 decibels of raw energy directly into your ear. With any luck, this should wake you up considerably, allowing you to remain active and alert, having the ability to concentrate on learning and remaining interested with the functions of the game. Warning, you may become desensitised to the sound of the bullhorn. In the event that the horn begins to have a lesser effect simply scream regularly I love Jesus. Note, in the event that you experience deafness in the ear, don’t fret, for I, doctor Quercus will be providing free consultations for my patients, in exchange for a modest favour.
Smashing head on keyboard
Put those vocal cords to work and begin singing with utmost determination. It is a scientific fact that singing simultaneously increases your entertainment level, and allows you to revel and celebrate to your hearts content. A number of songs which I heartily recommend to sing while playing Crusader Kings 2, is Come Out Ye Black And Tans, California Dreaming, Dixieland and Celtic Symphony. These songs will allow you to believe that you are singing with the lads at the pub, and engaging in a sense of jubilancy, instead of the reality, which is you sitting by your lonesome, in a cold dark room with your only source of activity being to continuously left click through the same repetitive , dull events, while attempting to manipulate your own psychological mind that you are indeed having an enjoyable, noteworthy experience. If singing is not your forte, simply turn the death sound volume up, while reducing the sound in every other counterpart. By increasing the death sound volume you will continuously endure the agonising screams of those suffering. These screams should immediately
uplift your state of mind, by showing that you are not alone in playing this dreary game.
Smashing your head into your keyboard
As a trained medical practitioner I urge all to not pay heed to those insolent fools who falsely insist that smashing your head continuously into your keyboard is vastly detrimental to your health. Instead contrary to popular belief it has been discovered through scientific evidence that physically slamming your cranium is therapeutic, and is consequently used to help individuals in remaining calm and focused. To have fun while playing Crusader Kings 2 simply exert punishment to your skull for having the utter audacity to be bored while playing this inherently repetitive game. By slamming your head into your keyboard not only are you asserting dominance, but you are also causing an adrenaline spike, which causes both your mind and body to become more active and interested in their surroundings. This ultimately results in a flight or fight response. Utilise this primal instinct to maintain hypersensitivity in Crusader Kings 2, effectively having an exhilerating experience, which would have otherwise been impossible without this crucial method.
Impregnate Siblings And Bears
It is a well known fact that the sheer taboo of being attracted to siblings and bears can cause an exhilerating rush within the system. Breaking this constraining, almost forbidden societal law is an exciting, adrenaline inducing experience. When you engage with the beast known as Crusader Kings 2 always enable the seduction focus, to anticipate and counteract when you may become bored due to the tedious gameplay. When the period of boredom inevitably arises, simply begin impregnating your sister or a local bear immediately. Engage in an age old tradition, and modernly a discriminatory taboo, which will hopefully instil some excitement within you while playing this utterly barren game. By impregnating your sisters and local bears not only are you producing more children to succeed you, but you are also additionally, allowing yourself to have a fragment of fun by delving away from social constraints. Just in advance I advise you to not employ this strategy in real life as the consequences and potential legal repercussions which our bigoted society enforces may be incredibly severe. Lastly, if you do not own The Way Of Life DLC, which is necessary in acquiring the seduction focus, than I implore you to simply put in console commands, pollinate sister ID, your ID, to quickly and efficiently impregnate your target. To acquire ID’s simply type, CHARINFO. I wish all thee well in venturing into the uncharted territory, which is the impregnation of siblings and bears.
Conclusive Tale
I would like to reiterate that I emphaise with you. Ultimately I can understand how tedious this game can be, especially in vanilla mode. The game in vanilla is barren, and even with DLC the game can become tedious and repetitive fairly quickly. Fortunately, for you dear viewer, I exist and luckily I have created these key coping mechanisms to entrance you into having fun. If you ever get bored of the game, instead of shutting it down or going to sleep, simply employ my widely successful strategies. Ultimately place your complete trust in doctor Quercus.
