Hitogata Happa Guide

How to: Not Die for Hitogata Happa

How to: Not Die

Overview

This guide will teach you the bare basics of surviving what is the equivalent to dodging rain.

Preface

Despite only playing half an hour of this game, I have already experienced everything that is needed to hate one’s life. This game, simply put, is a tribulation in and of itself both mentally and physically. Mentally in that the drive to continue after countless death after death means that you’re a hollow husk of a once stable human being and have no other goals in life set as firmly as your current ambition. Physically in that you’re stuck to your computer and absent the outside world from yourself to achieve solace in beating, no, triumphing, no, CONQUERING this game.

Hitogata Happa is a conduit between the mind and insanity.

Not Dying

Firstly, you must cut off your eyelids with a sharp scalpel or pair of scissors. This will deprive you of the ability to blink. Blinking completely blinds your vision for about 100 milliseconds or 0.1 seconds of crucial reaction time to avoid the myriad of projectiles hurling towards you. Removing your eyelids will not be very beneficial later in life, but seeing as how you must be some crazy ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hell-bent on completing this game alive or not by simply choosing to continue after dying, it’s probably a fair trade-off.

Secondly, you must create a pure vacuum around you and your computer to void any sound or matter that may distract you from your session. To do this, you have to channel your infinite inner impel to beat this game into a physical push force and expel it in all directions to remove literally everything but you and your computer. It’s not easy, but neither is the game so you have no choice.

Lastly, and most importantly, you must be the highest, most unstoppable entity to ever have a consciousness or otherwise. You have to be able to catch lighting out of the sky or a speeding bullet out of the air. Your vision shouldn’t be 20/20 but 400/400. Your field of view has to reach to the back of your head and back. Jesus has to look up to you. Zeus has to look up to you. You have to be the most incredible, extraordinary, stupendous, remarkable, phenomenal, amazing, spectacular, unbelievable, astonishing, astounding, jaw-dropping, mind-blowing, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ embodiment of badassity to ever exist within any dimension ever.

To Conclude

Hitogata Happa is hard, and for a typical bullet hell game, it’s no exception. If you can’t beat it, that’s totally fine. If you can, you should probably start leading humanity because you must be the messiah or something.

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