Overview
How to win the game of Call of Duty in three easy steps…
Step 1: Requirements
Before we get into things, there are some things required of you, that are necessary to your success. Here is a list of personal requirements to be able to reach the end goal of winning the game:
- Own a personal copy of any Call of Duty title
- Have basic experience with FPS games (prestige master or greater)
- Decent network speeds (24 Kb/s or better)
- Have a gaming setup, including gaming eyeware (for safety)
- Not be 7 years old (or younger)
- Have at least one working eye
- Be under 300 pounds
- Be straight
If you do not meet the criteria, please ignore the rest of the article.
Step 2: Self Preperation
If you are reading this, than you must be eligible for success. You will now have to undergo a series of lifestyle changes in order to win the game of Call of Duty.
Because you are reading this you are a neckbeard. Firstly, you must watch this tutorial in order to shave your loserness away. If you rid of this loserness, you increase your chance of winning.
Now that you’ve gotten that out of the way, you can continue to improve your chances further by:
- Dumping your girlfriend
- Quiting your fast food career
- Getting forclosed out of your ghetto appartment because you have no money
- Moving into your dad’s basement
- Realizing your dad left you as a child
- Moving into your mom’s basement
- Realizing your mom’s house has dial up
- Moving into a homeless shelter
- Getting money from Obama
- Investing some into a lifelong stash of Mountain Dew and Doritos
- Spending the rest on collectible minecraft plushes
Once you’ve worked your way through the list, you’re ready to set up your enviroment.
Step 2.5: Preparing The Enviroment
Before attempting to win, you must set up an ideal gaming space. Here is a list of requirements for your setup:
- A minimum of 5 rams (Improve your performance)
- At least quad monitors (or VR setup, see below examples)
- One low power mini fridge (for your drank)
- Reduced Volume Headphones[www.google.com] (to protect hearing)
- Trackball mouse (for optimal trackage)
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRmMkiTB_uE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lG5cEik2ABY internet speed
- 5 shelves of the mincraft plushes you bought earlier
- A shrine to lord gaben
- Diapers[www.consumersearch.com]
All of these little details will substantialy improve your gaming abilites, and ultimately determine your skill level.
Step: 2.75: Training and Uploading
You now have the neccisary tools to begin training to win. Now you can start up your game and get into a custom games lobby on nuketown with 9 recruit bots. This will ensure that every shot you take will be at least a collateral, so it will be dank.
Now upload it to Youtube, like this winner did:
Next you need to come up with the gayest and most generic name possible for your gamertag and youtube channel. Here is a list of example names:
- xxFuryScopezz
- Minecraft_lover883
- John Cena
- Faze Clan
- Faze Optic
- Faze
- KFC_AFRICA_MELONS_69
- Butter4Lyfe99
- D3m0nSL4y3r
- MLG_Scoper52
There are endless amounts of variations of these that you can use, just make sure your name is as cringy as possible.
Also, make sure your youtube intros take up half of the video like the example above, and you use the worst intro song ever that all of the other big youtubers use, to increase swagger.
Step 3: Joining Faze
Once your dankshot montage obtains three views, other than your mother and your three other accounts used to subscribe to yourself, you are worthy enough to challenge Faze to a 1v1. Spam invites and threaten to take his money until he accepts both your friend request and invites.
In the match, use your $70 dlc sniper (the LSAT), with the African Flag camo dlc equipped. You should win in around 2 seconds if your shots have enough 360s.
Once you’ve won the 1v1 and are accepted into faze, you’ve won call of duty, but you haven’t win yet.
To win, you must call the call of duty. To do this, you must yell “duty” while blasting an airhorn irl. Duty should respond with “you win…doofus”. If not, you lose. Repeat steps 1 through 3 to try agian.