Overview
A quick guide about the Champions of Paladins
-What this guide is about-
This simple guide will teach you about all the Champions in Paladins.
You will learn:
Their names.
Their main weapons / attacks.
My opinion on each Champion.
(if you like the guide, why not send it to a friend?)
Andru
This is Andru
He has a 6 shot revolver that looks like a god da*m shotgun for some reason.
he can fly very short distances, but only 3 times before he needs to rest.
His ultimate makes his shotrevolver bigger and shoot 4 boom-boom bullets.
Barki
This is Barki.
Barki is a lazy a*swagon that builds F*CKING AUTO-AIM BULLSH*T TURRETS!
Is a p*ssy and hides behind a shield.
He also has a gun thing
Might be swedish?
Bum Kink
This is Bum Kink
He is litteraly just a giant a** Bomb
He throws bombs that stick to stuff, even other Champions.
Is full of hismelf and likes to explode on people.
Chuck
This is Chuck.
Chuck likes to jump
He jumps a lot
And shoves his shotgun down your throat and pulls the trigger.
He also has a net that he can throw at you.
Cacky
This is Cacky
She likes weed
She trained her birdy to fly way high into the sky to rain weed on her allies so they get so f*cking high they all get x-ray vision for a short time.
Is also a Hedgehog.
Dragtoez
This is Dragtoez.
He doesn’t like walking, so he uses a jetback.
He also has a rocket launcher.
He has really bad heartburn, so he is always puking stomach acid :/
Crazy B*tch
This is a Crazy B*tch.
She is very emotional.
Is also a witch…kind a’ sorta maybe?
can freeze herself is she feels to awkward in social situations.
F*cknando
This is F*cknando
He has a pointy flamethrowing lance
Just like Barki, is a p*ssy cause he uses a shield.
Is a c*cky son of a b*tch
Croak
This is Croak
He may or may not be Cackys dealer.
Has shifty eyes since he is always being chased by the Police.
Heals his team with voodoo magics.
If you choose the “For P*ssies* Card, you will become a giant p*ssy when Croak reaches low HP because he recieves a shield
Goobver
This is Goobver
He is a tree
Ironicaly, he fights with an Axe
Said axe is thrown at your face.
He heals his team with fresh Oxygen
Is the original Viner, and Can Whip and Nae-Nae like a boss.
Kissnerna
This is Kissnerna
She has a…thing.
It is an assult rifle, that can scope into a sniper rifle.
She has pancakes that she throws at her enemies.
The pancakes are so high in fat they slow them down for all the weight gain.
Move
This is Move
Move can move really fast, but only for a few seconds.
Has a lot of knives.
Likes to bounce of peoples faces.
A Legit Tortoise
This is a legit Tortois
He isn’t just any normal Tortoise though
He has an old cannon.
And an anchor. He is also a hooker.
This Tortoise is also a p*ssy since he not only hides in a shell, but has a sheild as well.
Mamba
This is Mamba
He has a big snake.
He loves to shoot sticky stuff out of the snake.
When he is done shooting sticky stuff, he throws his snake at whoever is nearby, causing said Champion to freeze for a second in shock as they are hit with the Snake.
Pimp
This is Pimp
He is a talking fox like thing.
Has a grenade launcher.
Throws almaholic beverages to heal his allies.
Rumpelstiltskin
This is Rumpelstiltskin
He has a mech.
The Mech is an annoying a*s thing equiped with a machinegun and other hidden pew-pew things.
Is also a p*ssy cause he uses a sheild.
The Asian Guy
This is the Asian Guy.
He has a bow
Can make clones of himself
Shoots people with his bow.
Looks like a half-naked D*chebag
An Even Crazier B*tch
This is an Even Crazier B*tch than Crazy B*tch
CAN F*CKING TAKE DOWN ANY GOD DA*M ENEMY IN LESS THAN 2 SECONDS IF SHE GETS CLOSE ENOUGH!
CAN TURN F*CKING INVISIBLE!
IS HATED BY EVERYONE WHO DOESN”T PLAY HER!
(and those people are horrible human beings)
Tovd
This is Tovd.
He is an old man.
He has a magic stone hand.
Is also a p*ssy for using a shield.
Can steal other p*ssies shields and use them as his own.
Tire
This is Tire
She has an assualt pew-pew
Her Assualt Pew-Pew has an attached nade’ launcher.
Will focus on anything she can see.
Vicky
This is Vicky
Vicky also has an assualt pew-pew
Doesn’t have an attached nade’ launcher to his pew-pew
But, does carry around hand-tossed nade’s
Can run for ever!
Ying
This is Ying
She is the only Champion anyone wants to bang.
Can make clones of herself that heal her teammates.
Can telewarp to her clones, and back again.
Is super easy to play.
Misc info and Credits
Thanks for reading this!
Once again, if you like the guide, why not share it with a friend?
Credits:
Deltaterasu (me) – for making the guide.
Darklokey – for helping with the guide.
Hi-rez – For the Paladins. (Mostly Ying)
****PLEASE READ THIS****
This was a joke guide, and is in no way meant to be taken seriosuly.
Rude comments might be deleted, or not. I might just argue with you.