The F*** You Guide to Season 3

Season 3 starts with you being sent back in time to the Battle for Fobellow Prairie.

Congrats, two time mcguffins later and you still haven't changed anything worth a flying ♥♥♥♥*.

*but you have changed something I guess. Gwynn died in battle, not protecting Keaghan and Keaghan... Doesn't exist? Neither does Tieve? Oh my god are we free???

Rocheste begins a draft against the Fomors

Colhen's Crimson Blades get hit with the draft too

You're requested (kinda) back from Malina

You've been there like a week cos Idk.

LOL ♥♥♥♥ YOU GET DRAFTED

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ FISH MAN ATTACKS

Scale Rocheste castle on the back of a giant fish

Weaken the fish

Enrage the fish

Practice pullups versus the fish

Go spearfishing. Win.

Fish dude is like "yo I know you have memories of past timelines"

The ♥♥♥♥.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ MONTHS PASS THE ♥♥♥♥???

The army destroys the Fomors at Fobellow Prairie

Declares it is time to start a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ genocide

You realize Aodhan and Marrec are gone

.... ??????

You go to Fobellow Prairie to find where Aodhan and Marrec are

Fight a single frog and a helmet

???

No! No... not gonna question it

The frog was our most intimidating opponent. Ngl

There was a battle against Fomors here and the sword and helmet may have been from a Crimson Blade.

Cichol comes to beg you to return to the old timeline like a sorry ex but vanishes just like he did the first time you stupid heart eating ♥♥♥♥. -not over it you weirdo, 2 seasons ago we followed you into a life of crime and food stamps and- OH MY GOD I WAS WRONG, WE AREN'T FREE, HE'S BACK!!

Apparently we have Chapters AND Episodes now. It's like we can't decide if we're a novel or a serialized TV drama. But whatever.

Fishman keeps asking about your memories, you freak out.

Riordan, who had just been in battle at Fobellow, has been missing from history for months too you realize... Even missing, he won't be missed.

Nel has no idea who that person we just were mentioning is but let's you sneak Fishy out to Colhen (see? He isn't missed at all).

Brynn sees Fishy fish and says it may be a human

Fishy recognizes Nyle, asks you to investigate Ben Chenner, a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mountain. Question? Who the ♥♥♥♥ names mountains "Ben"?

Head to a meadow, get attacked by bears and....

Does the game call those ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ELVES??

Nyle is surprised. Elves should be extinct. Like the Kobolds... You monster.

Take Seanna to a rock.

Brynn asks to go with you to the meadow. (Brynn can leave his laboratory now WHAT THE ♥♥♥♥ IS HAPPENING????)

Attack a cursed Wood Elf.

Brynn kidnaps the poor ♥♥♥♥

Reilly comes up with a formula that may or may not murder the poor ♥♥♥♥

Get sent to hunt ingredients for this s**t too.

Find a Light Shade (which is both a stupid name and a stupid idea) and save a Wood Elf's sanity

Wood Elf tells you of his queen and warns of epidemic (it's only been a year... too soon) that will befall his people as "memories fade" and dies. The poor ♥♥♥♥.

Brynn IMMEDIATELY FORGETS THE POOR ♥♥♥♥♥♥ - that's just cruel buddy.

Fight Elven Heracles. Get told the epidemic came from the top of Ben Chenner.

The Royal Army says let's attack Ben Chenner

Wow ♥♥♥♥ those guys.

Reach the Elf Queen

She's literally a flying ♥♥♥♥ You.

Fishy gets his wish from the Queen, just like in Little Mermaid

Return to the Silent Brotherhood.

Fishie decides to become a Crimson Blade with you

It is revealed everyone is forgetting people who died (including across timelines), just like what happened to Gwynn, Tieve, Rior... wait who? and a bunch of other people from the other seasons.

You both get sent back to Ben Chenner to fight with the Royal Army

Find a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ rock

The Archbishop thinks the rock is proof of Ancient Time Dragon

The Crimson Blades become a recognized platoon for the military

Get sent back to Ben Chenner.

Find a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ten year old again (♥♥♥♥ off Milo)

He runs off

You head back and get scolded (oh god it's season 1 again)

Head on the river with Brynn and Miur

Get attacked by more ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Elves

Fight wannabe Legolas and he basically infers Muir is his master in some timeline or some thing and that destiny is collapsing by Muir's own choosing.

Meet Milo again who says his 누나 is Isset (wut) and a whole lot of other stuff that frankly isn't making sense. Also game is determined to convince us he's a kyute boi ® and has some off screen character call him as such and take him to a volcano. LOOK VINDI, WE DID THIS ♥♥♥♥ WITH THE TROLLS... AND THE SEA HAGS, TELLING US HE'S CUTE ISN'T CONVINCING ME ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ STOP.

Find guardian Broo haha and his time twisted buddy self buddy.

♥♥♥♥ that fight.

Annwyn, Heide and Erinn are just casually ex-posited to you that they are all the same place just depending on whether it is in this realm or the realm of gods. ???

Something about Volcanoes being made by ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dragons, lul. (I live in Hawai'i. I assure you that is 100 % ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ truth how volcanoes are formed.)

Elchulus is a dragon I guess right? Oh no Elchulus is not napping, Erinn must have arrived.

Brynn gets asked to help a Royal Army mission... in a VOLCANO.... yeah... (I mean the Ben Chenner caldera is dead, he's fine, not as epic as it sounds.)

We fight Legolass- hole again and get ♥♥♥♥♥♥ (♥♥♥♥ you Akadus)

Brynn finds his Glas Ghaibhleann circle and is all like "the ♥♥♥♥?"

And you're like "the ♥♥♥♥?"

Brynn and you crash through the summoning circle revealing.... Glas.... Goodlooking apparently.

Welcome to I guess Glas in the Past? Look Time is all wibbly wobbly timey wimey. Kill Glas Ghaibhleann.

Brynn freaks out and we get Clappy, the worst birthday clown to explain literally ♥♥♥♥ all to us. (♥♥♥♥ you Mystery Man).

Brynn regains his memories of Tieve, you and Keaghan from Season 1

Milo asks why all of this is happening.

♥♥♥♥ you Milo, that's why.

Also why does Macha think he's cute? Wtf.

Brynn is confused as am I at this point.

Go run off to learn more by uhh .. well going through Ben Chenner again just to uhh... fight a time twisted wolf boi, and go back to Glas' chamber.

We go fight another Elf to map the mountain with Ceara then leave her and return to Rocheste then Colhen then Rocheste again??? Ceara DIES during this all this sh*t off screen and everyone forgets her and ♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥ what stop hang on.

The point is Fish boi is Mannanan the sea deity and we learned from a book Brynn stole from Rocheste that Lugh Lambfather (think Elvish Hercules... but insufferable) exists. Also Cichol comes back and we beg him to return time now because now WE are the needy ex. Wtf.

Anyway enjoy your mountain bs. We chase down Lugh through some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ stone ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ supermen... With lasers. And then Miur is all like to Lugh "Lugh, I am your father." And Lugh is like "yeah idiot I know. Want the Fragarach? ♥♥♥♥ you for ruining everything. Come fight me for the Frag sword"... Yay.

Go to the top of Ben Chenner in the middle of a lake at the summit.

Kill Lugh, Mannanan cries and then takes Fragarach, but OH NO IT'S CICHOL TALKING TO US IN A TIME BUBBLE. STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE A ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ DWEEB AND FIGHT ME AGAIN ALSO APPARENTLY ELCHULUS HAS FEATHERS. Also uhh Cichol puts Elchies feather into Fragarach and we, desperate to return everyone to life, just grab it. Are we the new Keaghan now? Is that what this is Cichol? We have become you? God we suck.

Everyone comes back to life again then we go and fight the Elf from the very first time we went up Ben Chenner again, and everyone goes to Lochlann. But DEYKUZOR, WHAT ABOUT MARREC! Everyone goes to Lochlann. THE COFFER CHASERS? Everyone GOES to Lochlann. Muir?? EVERYone goes to Lochlann. Oh ♥♥♥♥ is that Lugh?? EVERYONE. GOES. TO. LOCHLANN. Except Tieve. ♥♥♥♥ you Tieve.

But what about ELLIS??

... Who?

Paradise is a diseased ridden land with cave people apparently.

So Lochlann is the land where the Fomors have taken. ... If we try and place mythology over real world locations, well, it's Scotland. So that's not a very kindly depiction, huh? Anyway so we go to Glasgow after a big ♥♥♥♥ this from Marrec about being in the backline (♥♥♥♥ you man, we brought you back to ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ life - we're basically the Celtic ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Avengers up in here alright? Be grateful cos we did some serious self-character assassination to do that) and Lochlann happens to have the cutest ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ non-sci-fi facehuggers you've ever seen. They're called Causa, and they deserve to be stepped on for being this stupidly cute. Like this ♥♥♥♥ does not belong in Vindictus, it belongs in Futurama with the Brain Slugs. Oh but on the more typically morbid note: it infects people and Fomors alike. Yay.

Pontiff and Riordan say it's the sinner's eternal punishment cos ♥♥♥♥ them I guess.

Also we get told to not investigate further cos ♥♥♥♥ you.

We continue our exploration to find mutated freaks called Morbus.... which I mean, there isn't an explanation what THESE things are really, but they got Causa eyes on their freakish arms and like... weird ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ shells. I mean LOOK at this guy. I'm a lot older than when I made the first of these guides now, and like, my sense of humor has definitely ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ changed, but.... WHAT JOKE WOULD YOU THINK CAME TO MIND?

Thanks Vindictus fandom wiki for supplying my never ending stream of ambiguously sexual nightmares

There's also dogs cos ♥♥♥♥ you.

Anyway, side-stepping immaturity with the grace of a bull in a china shop aside, we make it through to find a statue of our good old friend Cichol.... Who Gilliam mistakes for a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ dragon lmao yay.

Upon setting up camp, we learn that Brynn is being requested by the army (to his joy), the Pontiff and Archbishop apparently now hate each other, and Marrec is back to say "♥♥♥♥ YOU" (WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US MARREC, WE'RE TRYING OUR BEST HERE!)

We continue our journey into Lochlann to be accosted by the love child of Ingkells and Lionotus, and I hate it here. Dear Devcat: please stop using my Jungian subconscience to create your monsters-

AAND we fell into a hole with Seanna (who is also here for some reason). ♥♥♥♥ me I guess.

Welcome to under Lochlann, which is basically a ruins with... I-is that Lionotus? I KNOW I JUST SAID WE FIGHT SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE LIONOTUS BUT THAT THING IS BASICALLY INFECTED LIONOTUS RIGHT? Aww... ♥♥♥♥ you.

Fight off Infested Eochaid (again, zero explanation what that thing even is) and escape the crumbling underground with Seanna. (They REALLY wanted to show off their physics engine, huh? Havok is OVER TEN YEARS OLD GUYS - KINDA NOT NECESSARY TO DROP A BUILDING ON ME). We also get to meet Twink Cich- I mean ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ... who am I kidding? If you need to be put on a list after this, please stay away from the public and seek help.

Visit Berbhe. Be given a lukewarm welcome. (TECHNICALLY we came here immediately after being saved by the little Cichol guy (Lechaud - no one will remember that name), but Vindictus limitations; they refuse to just put us in this town so enjoy awkwardly going to Colhen, to take a ferry to Berbhe to be told we are still underground in the hole. Personally, I'm hoping we just took a boat back to Colhen and left Seanna here, and came back like we never left... that's infinitely funnier.)

Anyway, get told to run errands. F♥ck.

Find Goblins and Kobolds. F♥CK!!

Try to do the cool kill animation where you kick a Kobold off a cliff, and SOFTLOCK COS APPARENTLY THERE WAS NO KILL TRIGGER DOWN THERE??? (just me? okay) Fffffff♥♥♥!!

Anyway, bring a potion back, and get told that the humans who live in Lochlann are all at the bottom of the Fomorian holy totem pole. ♥♥♥♥.

Get told that humans who cross the border must be slain to bring about Erinn. ♥♥♥♥.

Get told that the Priest (Lechaud) is the special link to Cichol.. Wait...

Get told the Priest (whose name is now escaping me) is some sort of Prophet... An Oracle for Cichol... Wait... This sounds familia-OH MY GOD NO!

Go save an old lady named Gertrude, she's poisoned, go get an antidote, give her the antidote, go get a potion? Fight a Crockpot for it.

Okay, story dump:

The Fomorians have a hierarchy, with the main human settlement being good ol' Nemedians - you remember, the infected hellhole we first came to when we entered Lochlann - who are human and of whom Cichol's priest boy is the only survivor. Apparently all the people in the town of Berbhe are Fomorians who have taken a potion to prevent themselves from becoming infected by the Causa. The side affect is that they all take the shape of human. WHILE I'M FOR EQUAL RIGHTS AND ALL THAT JAZZ, HI THERE, THIS SOUNDS LIKE A CONVENIENT EXCUSE TO LET SOMEONE LIVE THEIR WISH TO ♥♥♥♥ A FOMORIAN. ESPECIALLY THE TWINS Gertrude. Yeah. Definitely Gertrude and NOT the potentially underaged gremlins.... Or Enok? Look, I don't judge (unless you say what's his face, because he ALSO looks like a child.)

Anyway, the Fomorians we've been fighting have joined a new faction led by a new group of priests from some place up north and haven't taken the potion, instead coming underground to try and escape the infection.

We fight some more infected Fomors as the infection spreads underground and save an Ogre from another Ogre who follows Cichol? (Keaghan you have followers now? I guess you always did... but man, I just can't internalize that information)

That guy dies of his wounds. And the Gremlin twins take that well. Also Kean was here before but who the ♥♥♥♥ remembers Kean?

Fight a giant f*** you louse, and its friend, ♥♥♥♥ You Goddess Neamhain.

Colhen gets infected by the infection and they go into lockdown 2020 (I know I said that its too soon for that joke, but I'm nothing if not completely inconsistent).

Meanwhile Ceara tries to find you with tagalong Nel, but ♥♥♥♥ Nel. "STAB THE GIRL," says Macca. And Ceara does.

That's about it? It's longer than it sounds cos ♥♥♥♥ you

Hoomans are coming, and Ceara is getting sleepy. The Hoomans take over cos ♥♥♥♥ Fomors. You find an ice place. You fight off infected in the ice place. There's also ♥♥♥♥ you frozen statues. Also some pale magician is trying to use the Fomorian command seal to take control of the Fomorian army. Also ♥♥♥♥. The ice place has magicians already controlling the Fomorian army. Also infection is coming. Fight the king the game classifies as a giant... so I guess ♥♥♥♥ Karok.

We go past the Ice castle, and reach an altar. Fight a spirit guardian based on Dullahan (a horseman but like that thing ain't riding on no ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ horse) and a black feather drifts down.

Go to pick it up and Riordan appears like ♥♥♥♥ you! God it's like after glas all over again but we know better than to run Infront of archers (yeah too soon? Gwynn that was really not the smartest move, just saying).

Anyway, he takes the feather and says good thing we know better than to interfere and goes to ♥♥♥♥ up the Pontiff's court. His men get possessed but start attacking the court anyway so a big battle starts and idk.

The Pontiff's chased off except maybe the Inquisitor lady I forgot to mention arrived last episode. Idk I haven't seen her since that fight.

Brynn and you go to check Dullahans place and find another feather. （okay, I skipped one but this is the THIRD ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ TIME WE FIGHT THIS GHOSTLY WORD I DONT USE ANYMORE BUT RHYMES WITH ITCH -♥♥♥♥ OFF DULLAHAN)

We get reverse summoned into a world between worlds and fight the most annoying elevator attendant in the universe.

♥♥♥♥ him.

Morrighan appears to laugh at Brynn and Keaghan for simping and reminds us fate is fate and ♥♥♥♥♥ off.

♥♥♥♥ her, jeez.

Return to Berbhe and this is a short episode too wtf. I guess??

Royal Army declares war on the Pontiff, and Brynn and co. go to find a volcano after finding a gem with a volcano's name on it.

They find a steampunk castle and a spirit and fight it.

Macha comes out and says lol everything has been my doing since I awoke after season 1-er, 2- I mean, 1? Get f*cked..

You want an answer to what the ♥♥♥♥ was going on with hot spring 누나? Fight this five times, ♥♥♥♥ you.

Yeah these are super short suddenly. What the hell is going on.

Paradise of Oblivion > Paradise Crossing > In Paradise > End of Paradise... I'm sensing a theme here and I'm not sure what it is.

Everyone leaves Berbhe to go North.

Freak snowstorm cuts off the group and they decide to shelter in some creepy abandoned fortress.

Cichol is like "This my crib idiot, get on my level."

You go on a Breath of the Wild-esque memory scavenger hunt and learn that Cichol used to exist before Keaghan, and that the new reincarnation of Cichol is a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ idiot because of Keaghan's influence. Cichol and Morrighan apparently are anti-dragon and sought to seal Elchulus to prevent a Red Moon from appearing. Cichol has second thoughts but Morrighan is like "♥♥♥♥ it, eternal seal!"

That seal was very not eternal.

Morrighan comes up with another genius idea: "What if we made everyone forget about everything that sucks, and throw the memories into oblivion! That way people only remember me and you, cos ♥♥♥♥ other gods."

And they did that with the help of a hero who would be forgotten with the old ways. ♥♥♥♥ Lugh too.

Get teleported into underwater place to fight another ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ fish. Beast of Greed? More like Beast of Gills. (aha..ha..ha)

So we learn that Morrighan is basically freaked out about the old gods returning. Balor and Nuadha are old gods sitting on the moon. Well one moon. There's another moon in the oblivion dimension cos Morrighan is vain and selfish as ♥♥♥♥. Whatever. If Elchulus isn't sealed, Balor will come back for vengeance.

Go fight Dante from DMC Balor in a portal near the Fortress to stave off his invasion.


Honestly it doesn't help anything, he's coming anyway.

♥♥♥♥

Go North, get told by Ronaun - Lord of Rocheste that he doesn't believe the prophesy and basically seeks power.

Marrec proves to be an uncomfortably evangelical pissant..... but then so is the entirety of the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ cast, but this is the first time I nearly died from secondhand embarrassment for a vindictus character.

"GODDESS, NOT GOD" He says while the Fomors get shifty eyes. It's like a WASP in a Buddhist Temple, "Yes Buddha was very honorable because God enlightened him, but he's still burning in hell for not understanding it was God's word." (Yes this was a legitimate conversation I heard over at Todaiji in Nara-ken from a tourist. I almost died and had to share that - been holding onto it for literally YEARS THANKS MARREC).


The Royal Army encampment gets attacked by the Pontiff's Court.

Inquisitor Claire challenges you.

♥♥♥♥ her up!

She starts throwing up flags for joining your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ harem party. (look, regardless, Muir is best girl). Leave her there stunned and confused.

Go find the Pontiff who kills off Riordan while Ronaun (Riordan's bro if you don't remember) just ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ watches.

Summon Morrighan like you're an anime protagonist.

Morrighan is like the ♥♥♥♥ is this ♥♥♥♥?

You're like "E-EVERYONE IS DYING AND BEING M-M-MEAN!"

Macha comes and is like "Bye everyone" and takes you and Morrighan to the end game tower because... I mean.... I guess we wanna wrap this ♥♥♥♥ up?

Cichol tells everyone he plans to seal Elchulus and you all work together to do so. He then is like "Oh right I'm a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ incel" and takes the fragarach from you and cuts Morrighan from Tieve. LMAO

Then Macha is like "Catch this betrayal that has been coming for literally half the season" and takes Elchulus with her to release the old gods.

You basically fail to stop her cos Ceara decides to attack you under Macha's influence still.

The Red Moon appears, Balor is coming....

Uh...

The End?

Oh and there's an epilogue where the Pontiff is killed and everyone is disillusioned. Lugh turns out to be alive and blessed by those blinding ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ flash grenades, and uhh, Cichol will get an army of Fomors to help you fight the incoming war against the old gods.

NO TIME LOOP!

♥♥♥♥ you!

There are FOUR ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ epilogue episodes this season as opposed to the previous zero. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. This is the season that never ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ends. It goes on and on my friends. Kill me.


Fight a human hunter. He says ♥♥♥♥ this when the fomorian control spell ends and goes to beat the ♥♥♥♥ out of the pope (honestly, I'm on his side, what a hero).

Fight Lugh again who is not dead and has been blessed by those ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ flash bangs my stupid ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ friend who i wrote the ♥♥♥♥ you guide to season 1 for on Skype kept using on me non ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ stop, SO ♥♥♥♥ LUGH.

Apparently new cannon is Palala is the first Paladin and a God. SO if you still remember classic Pact storyline, this is actually pretty neat cos we got to read the guy's journals before he became the first Paladin and then a hero, but now, well... I guess it makes more sense since now Palala is now supposed to be a more ancient god than Morrighan who has been forgotten by the people. So I guess the Pact version of events doesn't really work anymore, but.... ♥♥♥♥. Look, it's pretty neat either way, just stop ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ blinding me you absolute imbecile!

Anyway, return to Rocheste. Riordan lives. Apologizes to you and takes up the Royal Army and Rocheste castle cos his bro be dead.

Inquisitor Claire goes and rebuilds the church to be more tolerant (lmao like a large establishment church can ever be tolerant sorry not sorry)

And uh, we fall asleep and a succubus from the moon attacks us? Cos yeah, old gods are pissed or some ♥♥♥♥?

And then we fight a lizard thing to get a potion for the Fomors. Macha is revealed to have been controlling everything from the start or some ♥♥♥♥ - the whole prophecy about killing each other was her fabrication. We all were fighting cos she gets off on it I guess. Oh and Reilly was secretly Resenlian all a-♥♥♥♥♥♥♥-long.

SO Yeah.... That's Season 3. ♥♥♥♥ you.