Overview
Thy ten commandments that will help thou get thy steam points.
Introduction
This guide will describe the most idiotic yet most effective ways at earning steam points and being successful. Note that these commandments are only for the most successful guides, so if you don’t want your guide to be successful but instead boring and lame, click off now.
The commandments
Commandment 1. Make it straight forward and to the point.
Notice only the most popular guides do not go off topic to fill their guide with filler text. The least popular guides have way too much filler text just to make their guide look bigger so people are more likely to give them awards so they can fill their greedy pockets full of steam points and uh thats why you should not put any filler text and put it to the point because if you dont you will be unsuccessful bad and sad and poor and uhhh bad again. Remember, no filler text!
Commandment 2. Put the guide category in every section.
Yes this is a scummy thing to do, but you are a scummy person anyway for making a guide just for steam points. The reason you do this is that everywhere you look there will just be your guide, everywhere you look. Go to the loot category, they find your guide. Go to the classes category, and they will find your guide. There is no escape.
Commandment 3. Make the guide about something extremely obvious or something extremely dumb.
Notice the most popular guides on games often say “How to press W.” “How to click the left mouse button” “How to shoot” or “How to make poo shake deluxe”. All of these guides are either very obvious or very dumb, so you will choose one direction. If you chose the obvious route, just do some basic function like W and say something short like “Step 1. Look at keyboard. Step 2. Find W button. Step 3. Move finger to W button. Step 4. Move finger down on W button” if you went the dumb route, do a name like “poo” or “Why the wobbler should be in Smash” something very inmature and stupid will work.
Commandment 4. Never say the guide is a joke.
Saying the guide is a joke will give your guide a much shorter life span, and the reason is obvious: if people are really thinking you are trying to convince them of something or you are dead serious, they will brand it funny, giving you awards and a like.
Commandment 5. Organize the guide in a step 1 step 2 step 3 fashion.
The guides with the most rewards are in a step 1 step 2 step 3 organization pattern. This makes it feel funnier and more legit, and makes a build up for what comes next. Proof of this can just be taken from the most successful guides on steam, where it is in a step 1 step 2 step 3 pattern.
Commandment 6. Act as serious as possible.
I mentioned this before, but if you are very serious people will think it is very funny and give an award, as it seems like you are actually trying to convince them to eat poo or some garbage like that. Think about it: If you met someone out of your room (shocking) and they REALLY tried to convince you to not play “Plants Vs Zombies: the 1943 massacre” you probably would think it is very funny, as you know they are joking about hating “Plants Vs Zombies: the 1943 massacre” and everything related to it.
Commandment 7. Put a strange branding image.
Notice the most successful guides have a strange, weird, out of place branding image for their guide. This is absolutely necessary because people may not think of it as interesting if you do not put some strange image like morshu beatboxing or a cat vibing
This works splendidly, because all images of my fattest cats work only the best.
Her names Meowzer btw 🙂
More images that are effective are as follows:
Commandment 8. Do NOT say “omg thanks for the awards i never imagined i would get this far1!111!!!1”
Doing this will bring the FBI to your house and certify you cringe, as everybody hates it when you say “omg thanks for the awards your so awesome1!!11!!1!” Literally nobody likes that. Think of everybody around you right now. Now ask them if they like it if people say “thanks for the awards” they will say no, guaranteed because I am most certainly not mind controlling them. People seeing “thanks for the awards” will make them less likely to give you awards, because they just think it is cringe. I don’t really know why but I just don’t like it when people say that 😛
Commandment 9. Say that the person reading the guide is mentally deranged or a weirdo.
You may think this is counter intuitive, but after reading a guide like “why thou shall eat thy poo” they will think it is funny if you disapprove of their actions and shame them, because just being real, people catching you reading “how to fart” will think you are just a bit strange and a tiny bit unusual, and the reader knows that.
Commandment 10. Be professional.
This doesn’t go for all cases, but guides that talk with correct grammar and standard English and overall act professional and sound like they know what is going on is more likely to earn steam points then those who stand more jumbled, or you can throw all of that information out of the window and act like the delinquent you truly are
No hard feelings
Bonus commandment: Stay away from giant alien spiders. Giant alien spiders are no joke!
Conclusion
Pray for your lord
bonus meowzer pic:
