The Ultimate Early 2017 Guide – Survive Jayson on the night of Database Login Failure the 13th!

Overview

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) How to get shishkebabed and still keeping your dignity! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Choose Language

If you are an English man or believe you have atleast an average knowledge of English, stay on this guide.

Если ты умеешь произносить Cуka Blуat на родном языке, то тебе сюда, бро
[link]

Welcome to madness…

Do you want to learn how to become the absolute prodigy of this game? Do you want to juke Jayson’s ass for countless minutes only to die because your f*cking teammate just had to come around for some reason. Do you want to uncover the secrets behind Jayson’s mask his face and finally, his bloodline Incest confirmed ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)? Then you’ve come to the right place. This guide will teach you everything and more, and the cost? Simply rate this guide 5 stars and make our dreams to become more famous writers than J.K.Rowling come true!

Minimum Requirements

Below you will find the minimum requirements to not only run the game, but also to prepare yourself for the night full of joy and bugs.

• PC Masta’ Race 360 MLG, HackedStation 4 or Xbone One.
• Your own servers + login databases – please note that in order to log into the servers and actually play the game this is kind of necessary.
• Younger brother/sister – someone you can smack in rage when Jayson spawns on you one minute into the match, meeleing you to death and causing you to sit there like a fa*got for 20 minutes straight and wait for others to finally f*cking die.
• Reaction time 5ms+ – apparently this is necessary to fill gas into a car using a fuel can.
• Your mom – someone needs to make you food while you’re wrecking them kids m8, also someone to yell at your a*s and stop you from destroying your flat after some f*cking idiot led Jason straight to you and then escaped.
• 5 stars on this guide to increase your gamer efficiency and meaning of your life by 200%

Disclaimer

Last Friday Night…

Deep in the woods of Crystal PackaHavens, 7 teenagers are celebrating succesfully passing the finals by having sex with each other, drinking, chilling in a lake, dancing…. or just regularly standing around by the campfire not doing anything at all. The horror begins as masked figure approaches the gathering, emitting a strong invisible signal that breaks cars, syphons them out of fuel and randomly hides their parts into stupid locations and finally, disables the ONLY Phone in the entire camp (wow, and we thought living without constant access to online porn was bad). Emerge in the great storyline full of horror, murders, Chad’s idiotic “What the f*ck?” face, getting accidentally shot by teammates, getting purposely shot by teammates, running over your friends, failing skill checks, fighting Jayson, failing to fight Jayson, mashing buttons as fast as you can in false hope of escaping from Jayson’s grasp, and much, much more! Take the role of one of the 10 counselors as you struggle to survive againist Jayson’s strongest weapon – The Ultimate Shift Grab Combo, or become Jayson and bring the most original and exciting death to your subjects – choking. Explore 3 same, rearranged unique areas, featuring multiple ways to die hide, such as tents, toilet huts, beds or closets (we know his was your idea, Dwight!). Enter the continuous battle with the masked murderer and other counselors as you try to jack as many pocket knifes and flare guns before they do and race for your life (to search as many cabins and have the biggest chance of leaving these idiots behind). Enjoy the brutally realistic graphics accompanied and the absolutely on-point animations for counselors, such as opening their mouth for deepthroat as their fear rises or having a clearly annoyed expression you make when your mom restricts you from using computer because of bad grades as their leg is torn off. Fight for your life while enjoying the beautiful immersive music, which somehow tends to intensify exactly when Jayson isn’t around you, causing you to miss that last skill check when fixing the phone and hail a*s, effectively getting yourself killed.

Starring

Male Gender Cast

(who the ♥♥♥♥ names their kid Kensington like srsly)
Let’s start with this little ♥♥♥, shall we? Chad Kensington is the person you want to have around when somebody needs to die and you don’t want it to be you. His absolutely realistic expression, which you’re able to see in the beginning of any match, amazingly captures the moment of fear when he spots Jason’s degenerated genitalia Jason approaching the group of his fellow friends. That combined with his slick haircutcreated with his mother’s spit and red cloak sweater around his neck makes this wannabe Superman face of the game and creates huge urge for Jayson to target him in order to test his invincibility by throwing his ass out of the window.
You should pick this councellor when: You’re an attention ♥♥♥♥♥ and have the need to show off your stupid face everytime the intro plays, or when you want to finally have some luck in your pathetic life (let’s be honest though, the luckiest person is the one that spawns alone with four juicy cabins around him ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

The guy you never actually see ingame. But why is it, you ask? Is it because he’s too good, leaving everyone in the dust as he makes his escape? Or is it perhaps because he is added to the list of people Jayson killed in the very first minutes of the match? If either of the previous theories were what you thought, you’re f*cking wrong. It’s because nobody plays this guy. Like literally, nobody. Scientific explanation for this lays straight in Kenny’s face. If you examine it carefully, you’ll find out that it’s actually the lost brother of Jake the Saboteur from Dead by Developers Daylight. He’s likely on the journey to find his brother and help him sabotage all the hooks in the World – or what’s left of them anyways.
You should pick this councellor when: You can’t get over the fact that this game is nothing like DBD, or when you want to feel original.

Friendship is a great thing, right? Not for this guy. The main skill of his is the abillity to knock Jayson straight on his a*s, but it has it’s costs – one of them being getting teamkilled by his f*cking teammates, who for some reason thought it’s a briliant idea to form a group of five and continuously hit each otherJayson. Let’s all pray together that Jayson will apprecitiate this noble sacrifice by naming his kid Buggzy – if he ever has one oh you wot m8 dun be so evil jayson is a beautiful human being if u take away his face… and body… and pretty much everything… well, I mean, atleast the D could be good, right? Can’t be that bad.
You should pick this councellor when: You’re a very nice and kind person and everybody sh*ts on you in real life but you somehow enjoy being used as sacrificial lamb by others (dun feel bad, apparently its a fetish).

You couldn’t have a group of teenagers without wannabe alphamale biker wearing a fake leather jacket and trying to grow hair to match those of Simba from The Lion King (judging by the lenght he has now, I’d say he’s somewhere in Hakuna Matata part right now, wonder if the same goes for his sex life aswell ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)). This guy is a good compromise if you don’t feel like pretending to be Solid Snake from MGS and get f*cked over by teammates as they lead Jayson to you. He has relatively decent Stamina and Speed, but unlike most other counselors, he’s not completely stupid and can actually fix things without getting electrocuted every five seconds.
You should pick this councellor when: You actually want to do something for survival.

This guy is legit the only realistic character and a great imitation of how most of today’s gamers and people in general look. His rounded face and belly stolen from Hagrid (luckily it’s just the Beta version) briliantly depict what happens to a person only eating KFC, McDonalds, Burger King or kebab (let’s be honest, we all approve his food taste xD). This guy must have been mocked his entire life – not only by kids at his school, people on the street and his own family, but also by the developers themselves, who purposely put JR inicials into his name. JR stands for Just Run, and they are mocking him for his not exactly too big stamina supply and running speed. Hah, the inspiration from real life is real with this one. Didn’t think I’d find my potential twin in this game.
You should pick this councellor when: You shouldn’t. Seriously, leave the poor guy alone.

Public Apology

I f*cked up. I failed at my life. My mom always told me my life has big schemes ready for me. That I’ll reach and achieve great things and everyone in the world will know my name jk she said im a little lazy f*ck with no life and friends xD 🙁.

I failed. On the most trivial thing. I want to apologize to all grammar nazis out there for making this huge mistake. I’ve noticed it. I’ve noticed it as I was writing the psychoanalysis of JR La Chappa. Unfortunately due to my laziness, I couldn’t be arsed to fix it in the many, many occurrences in 5 copy pasted sentences. That would take way too much of my time. But deep inside. Deep inside my heart, I know you guys will forgive me (after I learn the entire dictionary you guys will post in comments when you read this guide).

For now, the only thing I can do to undo this great mistake is to TYPE F*CKING COUNSELOR INSTEAD OF COUNCELLOR IN THE NEXT SENTENCE IM GOING TO COPY PASTE 5+ TIMES AGAIN IN ORDER TO AVOID THIS MISTAKE.

Female Gender Cast

The ultimate butt cheeks simulator 2017 (be honest, we all play her because of that a*s). This girl is absolutely worth the grind you have to undergo when you have sh*tty luck and never get to be Jayson. She not only doesn’t light up like a Christmas tree everytime Jayson uses his wallhack, she can also shake that booty for very long time before getting tired. Heh, that’s why they call her the Flirty Girl, I get it now. That and the name (I know what you were thinking about when you named her, Gunmedia, it fits her tho).
You should pick this councellor counselor when: You like a*ses, or when you actually want to sprint without getting found and killed instantly. Also for Dynamic Hair™.

Being called The Girl Next Door, this girl supposedly is the final girl. Thing is, she’s not. Everybody who has ever seen this girl escape should lift their hands up now (whoever lifts their hands up is f*cking f*ggit and gay and hater, I would advise u not to do it m8). I can one hundred and 54 percent say this girl would have a much bigger chance escaping Jayson’s tasty machette (or axe, or pickaxe, or fire axe, or spear axe or trident axe) if she was actually called Laurie. Halloween fans will understand (and DBD fans). Or if she had any other qualities of the final girl other than being called one – you know, such as being hot, having friends to sacrifice for her, never f*cking dying, etc. holy sh*t, that’s actually depressing
You should pick this counselor when: You’re into ugly girls 3/10 girls. Oh, and for Dynamic Hair™.

The actual final girl. She has dem looks, dem skeelz, dem Dynamic Hair™ and everything else required to survive. This is the girl you will see escaping almost every time you play. It’s as if she had a pact with the devil. Her stealth skill combined with her not being a total dumba*s allows her to solo the entire match herself. That is until she steps into the trap placed with huge intelligence and originality at the fuse box/car. Then she’s f*cked.
You should pick this counselor when: You don’t care about anyone and want to survive on your own, f*ck the others. Dynamic Hair™ is bonus.

Smarta*s of the group. This girl is probably as smart and as annoying as she looks. Rumours are she’s the most intelligent person in the group. Rumours are false, otherwise I can’t f*cking explain how it’s intelligent for her to attempt to fight Jayson’s absolutely balanced Shift Grab combo using a baseball bat. All knowledge, no practice, isn’t that right, Deborah? Or Kim? Or Deborah? Or what-the-f*ck-ever is your first name.
You should pick this counselor when: I don’t even know.

It wouldn’t be a proper horror story without a sacrificial black character now would it. And while Brandon does a good job of sacrificing himself by fighting Jayson and attempting to waste as much of his time, Vanessa instead sacrifices others by running around the map, constantly causing a lot of noise and getting everyone killed. This character is just fitting for newbies and gives a whole new meaning to the word “noob”. Not only does she get half of the lobby to rage quit, she then proceeds to die herself as she either gets shift grabbed, or kills herself by jumping through the window there and back. Her big selling points are stamina and speed, however, she’s completely stupid and can’t repair anything. And to top that, any chance of her being completely invisible in the dark is completely wasted when she puts on her light blue outfit.
You should pick this counselor when: You’re a homicidal ISIS wannabe and want to bring as many teammates with you to the grave as possible. Dynamic Hair™ doesn’t matter on this one, she dies way too fast anyway.

Jayson Gender Cast

• Carries a pickaxe.
• Is actually still kinda sexy under the mask.
• Can run, though only at the speed of your grandma.
• Has more traps to smartly place around the car than other Jaysons
• Can morph around and p*ss you off by randomly appearing on you more often
• Has lower defense – completely irrelevant stat in the game
• Can’t shift as often (but will shift grab and choke you anyway)
• Lower water speed – bad for situations when someone screams at the top of his lungs that the boat is fixed

• Carries an axe.
• Looks like sh*t under the mask.
• Nobody plays him anymore.
• Can run, though only at the speed of your grandpa. if u find the difference between this and the other one i’ll give u a kiss and free chicken nuggets
• Can deal more melee damage – ideal for those f*cking ♥♥♥♥♥ who only spam melee and think how smart they are.
• Tighter grip – this stat is very useful for when you encounter the pro players who can mash E 40 times a second. Or when you want to jerk off and have massive org*sm (since when is org*sm f*cking vulgarism, srsly steam 10/10 most fabulous service, go f*ck yourself).
• Better wallhack Sense
• Better Stalk – very useless that always surprises nobody, very good to make Shift Grab even stronger Yes, that’s possible. No, I don’t know what they were thinking.

• Carries a spear.
• I don’t know how he looks under the mask
• Casuals who don’t have other Jaysons unlocked but aren’t big enough c*nts to play Jayson “Melee-Only” 3
• Has Throwing knives to annoy the f*ck out of you as you T-bag him behind the window
• Wallhack Sense lasts longer.
• Faster Shift Grabbing to flood the world with tears.
• Lower Defense – most useful stat 2017
• Can’t Run – yet still somehow catches up to the f*gs from above, this is why you workout, kids
• Slower Morph – legends say the true pros can still get that first kill 20 seconds into the match, effectively making the kid ragequit mid animation and his two friends with him. Who needs morph when you have Shift Grab and Choke combo is what I say. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

• Carries a machette it only took 7 parts for Jayson to carry his iconic weapon again and not some f*cking axe
• Looks dead under the mask
• Has slightly damaged mask, allowing you to see his beautiful teeth, which look way better and might even be more healthy than yours when you were 6.
• Tight grip for the ultimate org*sms I said it again, Steam, what you gonna do?
• Wallhack lasts longer not gonna bother anymore with calling it Sense m8 we’re ♥♥♥♥♥♥ over that
• He’s a swimmer – He can f*ck up his teleport and still rape your boat after your teammate yells 3 times it’s been fixed.
• Can’t Run – who needs that when you can swim, seriously
• Slower Shift – im so tired of copy pasting and rewording what i already said ffs if you want to know what this means find it above
• Less traps – still gonna trap that phone and car hood tho.

• Oh look, it’s an axe. AGAIN.
• Looks dead under the mask +1
• Sent his mask for warranty and got a new one dem feels when Jayson cares so much about his looks and u dont even brush hair 🙁
• Ruins your life by breaking inside the cabins almost instantly and not letting you search it entirely like other Jaysons do Nerf this ♥♥♥♥, srsly
• Has the coolest killz
• Can try to trick you and fail miserably longer than others using his Stalk abillity.
• Swims very fast – inheritated this from 7, so don’t forget to yell about the boat your friends fixed to save your a*s again
• Can’t run – ugh this is getting boring
• Wallhack is shorter
• You can break free from his grab in 30 E presses per second instead of the original 40

• I’m a filthy casual and dont have him unlocked yet but he probably has some kind of axe (like most of them)
• Looking at his head, under the mask this guy is either really really sexy, or really really dead +2
• For f*cks sake guys can you stop breaking Jayson’s mask?
• Faster Shift Grab combo
• Longer Stalk
• His lower stun resistance will motivate you to try and take a hit, only to get grabbed mid swing and thrown out of window.
• Can’t run.
• Less Hit Points – devs tried to look more original by giving a new name to Lower Defense stat.
• Only two traps, enough to f*ck you over as you try to fix the phone.

Clash of the Titans – Spicy Jason X P*ssy Jarvis

The god of all Jaysons. His spiciness absolutely wrecks everything in his way – doors, walls, or salty non-backers who can’t get over the fact that they won’t get it. There are two kinds of people in the world.

Worshippers – People who have access to this holy gift. Those people admire the true epicness of the God and act on his will, stabbing counselors with Jayson’s godly trident, using them as body shield againist shotgun shells, causing them to DC, wiping out entire lobbies and finally, arguing with triggered people on Steam and Reddit about whether or not they deserve this Jayson.

Haters – Filthy casuals who weren’t manly enough to acquire this Jayson. People who aren’t complete f*cking nerds and actually have a life and don’t sit all day on their a*ses watching videogame news. As much as they said they wouldn’t support this kind of sh*t in the video game industry, it is very much clear that secretly, they would like to obtain Spicy Jayson aswell and join the glorious Spicy Race.

Extra Cast

There’s nothing that could make your day better other than joining a lobby full of Bl*ats calling you C*ka and telling you to Idi Nahoi (F*ck you for the filthy casuals who somehow don’t know this after it’s been used as wannabe funny joke for ten 5 years plus now). These guys will simply make your day, especially with the fully broken functional Mute feature with Smart Mute™ system – allowing you to hear their beautiful insults when the game feels like unmuting them without you actually doing it. Seriously, where the f*ck did they all come from? Shouldn’t they be playing CS:GO or hacking Pentagon by now?

It’s Friday, beautiful night, and you’re finally catching up with your mate from High School as the two of you are planning to go on the ultimate journey of nerding this game all night until 5am in the morning. But something doesn’t feel right. Your friend has decided to invite some random f*ggot of his to watch him play F13. “It will be fine” he says “he’ll just watch me play.”. At that point you know that any attempt to communicate with your dear friend is absolutely. F*cking. Pointless. The friend of your friend will constantly talk to the guy, distract him from playing, yell out loud whenever something not really exciting excites him, and make you worry whether your friend is still your friend.

The chances of encountering this guy seem to increase as your play time is running out, especially when you need to get up early the next day. His magical sentence “I’ll be right back” causes you to spend more time in the lobby than in the actual game. It takes five people in the lobby to spam this guy, telling him to ready the f*ck up, until he finally presses the big red glowing button. And when you ask him where he was? “Oh I was just browsing Facebook.” Well f*ck you, I’ll book your face the next time you do this sh*t.

DLC JAYSON PART 11 LEAKED ONLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leaks from the very trusted source Jilly Newz™ reveal what’s behind the curtains of Gun Media and Illfonic. What seems to be a new DLC Jayson is seemingly on its way.

According to the rumours, the new Jayson Part 11 will launch exclusively on Xbox One, featuring five new unique kill animations, and will no longer wear his iconic mask. Instead, Jayson will willingly show his true face to the public, and slaughter the teenagers using a toothpick, a microwave or a whipping cream. But that’s not everything. After having been beaten many times, Jayson has decided to evolve and grow the third arm – developers used this opporturnity to further enhance Jayson’s most underused kills – Choking. Jayson can now choke counselors with three arms, or do the ultimate spinning melee attack to put them on the ground in no time.

Developers also reacted to the claims of Jayson being way too underpowered, and decided to buff several abillities exclusively for Jayson Part 10. Jayson will also have a set of new properly balanced perks such as reversed Morph, allowing him to morph the remaining counselors to him and grab them. Shift now allows Jayson to slow down time while staying at the same speed, making his job of grabbing the slippery counselors a little bit easier. Sense has been upgraded and now shows not only the skeleton of counselors across the entire map, but also displays their HP and the items they’re currently carrying. Developers think this was necessary in order for Jayson to focus on the right people instead of f*cking around. Finally, Stalk now works permanently for the entire match and has no cooldown. Additionally, it doubles Jayson’s movement speed. Developers felt this was a little bit too OP compared to other changes and decides to increase the time it takes to activate it by 10%.

Without any further ado, let’s take a look at the leaked picture straight from the studios.

Jayson Part 11 will launch on Tuesday the 13th exclusively for Xbox One for the price of $19.99. The developers think this price is adequate as when added up with the price of the game, the total price is $59.98, which is still one cent away from being priced the same as regular AAA titles and thus hopefully shouldn’t trigger anyone. Developers are planning to use the money in order to hire proper alpha testers.

Public/Private matches

– where you chill with randoms and c*ka bl*ats

Disadvantages:

• Angry C*ka Bl*ats
• People who don’t have a mic
• People who have a mic but don’t f*cking talk
• People who rush to steal all pocket knifes
• People who rush to steal a shotgun
• People who die with battery in the middle of the forest
• People who teamkill
• People who get teamkilled by friends of people they teamkilled
• DC’ers/Ragequitters
• People who team with Jayson and then get f*cked by him anyway
• People who sell you out to live two minutes longer
• People who leave you behind
• People who run you over
• Non-♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Mute button

Advantages:

• Angry C*ka Bl*ats deep inside we all kinda love them
• Potential to meet new friends usually goes away when you get accidentally shot by shotgun
• Good Ping
• You can meet streamers – potential to feel special even though they don’t give a single f*ck about who you are
• You can sellout teammates without feeling bad
• You can DC without feeling bad
• You can f*ck up horribly without your friends seeing it and giving you sh*t for weeks
• You can troll

– where you chill with friendz (if you have any) and people who don’t ready up

Disadvantages:

• Usually terrible f*cking ping
• High chance to get kicked when you tell people that they have garbage internet
• You need friends
• People abusing their powers to set themselves as Jayson
• People abusing their powers to set their friends as Jayson
• People abusing their powers to kick you
• People abusing their powers to threaten to kick you
• Friends making sure to spot every single mistake you do and give you sh*t till you’re on a death bed
• Friends blaming you for getting them killed
• Friends not thanking you for being the main cause of their escape
• Friends blaming you for surviving when they didn’t
• Friends accidentally teamkilling you when in Jayson’s grab
• Friends laughing for five minutes straight about teamkilling you
• Friends leaving lobby without saying anything, making you rethink your friendship
• Friends screaming at you to ready up when you’re changing perks
• Friends selling you out
• Friends grabbing the better weapon, leaving you with a frying pan or a tree branch
• Friends not telling you the car is ready
• Jeez, I could be here all day if I had to name all of it and you c*nts wouldn’t read it all anyway, ain’t nobody got time for that

Advantages:

• You can watch others struggle with low f*cking ping if you’re the host
• You can abuse your powers to set yourself as Jayson
• You can abuse your powers to kick others
• You can change maps
• well that’s everything xD

Top 5 most common killz and Top 5 most common ways to survive

Below you can find the compilation of the top 5 most common kills you will 100% encounter in every match.

• 1. Choking
• 2. Choking – I bet you didn’t see that one coming did you?
• 3. Choking – This is seriously getting old isn’t it?
• 4. Melee – People who do this should be banned and you know that
• 5. Throw through the window – No, I really don’t know how throwing people through already broken window manages to kill them.

• 1. You don’t
• 2. You don’t – we all know u dont survive 80% of the matches like ur telling us on the steam forums bro its ok
• 3. Being friends with Jayson – Self explanatory
• 4. Being a l*cky c*nt – Having every part + the car appear in the two cabins you spawn by
• 5. Hiding under the bed for the entire game – Come on, we all tried this atleast once. No? Ok.

Item Guide

I could go on and write a paragraph full of pathetic overused 10/10 jokes about every item in the game but I bet half of you are almost asleep not feeling too well by now so we’re just gonna make it short.

Baseball bot bat (an inside joke only two people who prolly wont read this can understand xD) – amazing weapon to give you enough confidence to try and stun Jayson’s a*s as he comes through the door, only for him to dodge around your hit like insta grab you mid animation Jackie Chan and do a proper counter attack. Advised for suicidal people.

Wrench – The thing you inheritate from your friend as he steals Flare Gun

Machette – The thing you use to kill other counselors when they p*ss you off (or just for fun eksdeedeedeedeedeedeedeedee)

Axe – Same use like Baseball bat

Flare Gun – The thing that makes you feel very safe, until you miss the f*cking shot when Jayson is 3 meters away from you.

Shotgun/Rifle/Kill-Your-Friends Gun – The ultimate weapon everybody races for the moment a match starts. The one who wields uses it in 10% cases to stun Jayson, in 20% cases to miss, and in 70% cases to purposely kill their teammates and laugh about it like a f*cking idiot.

First Aid Spray – You find 5 of those when you don’t need them, but zero of those when you do. First Aid Sprays essentially fill in the function pocket knifes are supposed to for traps.

Pocket Knifes – Devs could sell this in forms of microtransactions and people would buy it oh sh*t did i just give them an idea, the only tool againist Shift Grab. They can be used to disarm traps too, but it doesn’t matter when the next thing you do is use Vanessa to fix the phone and fail the f*cking skill check.

Firecrackers – Portable version of dissapointment. in 90% cases you throw them, they not only completely fail you, but the animation of dropping them only gets you killed.

Walkie Talkie – Don’t take this on Publics. Just don’t.

Bear traps – A perfect thing to place infront of the doors for your teammates to step into them. Or, you know, for Jayson to shift grab over them and make you step into them yourself.

Any item not mentioned in the list is probably f*cking useless and I have nothing productive to say about it.

Things I didn’t get to that are quite important

The game uses very original smart system of randomized Perks. What this means is that each Perk comes with certain percentual advantage and certain percentual disadvantage. Those two values are random. In other words, you’re gonna get p*ssed off when your friends get all the Epic and Legendary Perks and all you’re gonna get is Common Perk with the occasional Uncommon or Rare perk to spicy it up a bit.

This very cool feature allows you to hide in many places, such us under the beds, inside small sh*t houses, or even inside the closets. Devs implemented a mechanic of holding a breath, which will keep you silent and hidden as Jayson passes by, making you feel like like a true Hidden Leaf ninja. That is until your character spots Jayson and decides to try out whether she belongs to Hogwarts by saying out a magical spell “Please don’t come here, I hope he didn’t see me.”. Rumours are Jayson is actually a good guy getting rid of people with IQ value lower than the size of La Chappa’s t*ts.

This very cool mode for Jayson decreases cool downs on everything, makes your wallhack more effective, and gives you the abillity to feel like Nemesis from Resident Evil as you walk through the door and walls. Amazing, right? Not if your skills with Shift Grabs are atleast average. By the time you reach this Jayson Ez Mode, everyone is already dead. Well, unless you s*ck a*s at playing Jayson (:( no offence my n*gga i still luv u).

Special Thanks

for being such awesome comedician 10/10 IGN, Over 9k/10 Steam reviews, Spicy/69 Spicy Jason Tryhards

for being awesome friend, good player (im still better tho <3), good guide writer and hella tolerant guy – without him, i wouldnt be among the creators of spicies today and i wouldnt get to look at that zebra tiffany a*s all day, you ♥♥♥♥ should check out his guide that i’ll link and promote a bit more below

for being another awesome friend, another good player (but i still am better anyways, especially in driving a car) – this guy came out of random and i absolutely didnt expect there’d be anything more than few casual private matches between us, but it all blossomed into spicy love which in turn breeded spicy jason tryhards, the best family in da world

for being respectful leader of Spicy Jason Tryhards™ and fun guy who clearly loves b*tches, thx for not hating me when I disagreed with u last time m8, world needs more ppl like u to cure cancer

Srsly m8 what the ♥♥♥♥ is that name jk i luv it, u’ve been with me since the beginning and are my biggest fan number one, i gotta admit i took an inspiration or two in ur guide (+half of the name xD), and when u write ur next one, im defo gonna promote it as much as i can, we should actually play together some day <3

you da real mvps and i love u for sticking with me my ♥♥♥♥♥♥!

Special F*ck You

for releasing unfinished game riddled with bugs and errors that is so addictive i barely even eat and go out nowadays

for making me have to abandon this game for 2 hours by forcing me to go out with him using personal threats tied to revealing the size of my penis Spoiler alert: it’s not that big (size doesn’t matter)

srsly guys, get over yourselves, i dont need to hear about how u got shift-grabbed and speared 20 times over and over again in russian language, i’d buy cs go if i wanted to hear that #noracism

you watch me repair the car, you watch me drop the keys next to the car, YOU DRIVE RIGHT AROUND ME OR JUST STRAIGHT THROUGH ME, AND THEN ALL YOU SAY IS “GG”. YOU WILL BURN IN HELL, ALL OF YOU, I HOPE JAYSON PENETRATES UR ANUS WITH HIS MACHETTE AND TWISTS IT 3 TIMES IN COUNTERCLOCKWISE DIRECTION U F*CKS, MAYBE THEN U CAN FEEL THE SAME PAIN I FELT EVERY NIGHT I SPENT AT MY UNCLE’S PLACE (that joke is older than your grandma, man, really?)

do u even think be4 you shoot them guns, m8, because otherwise I can’t comprehend HOW YOU CAN ASSUME THAT SHOOTING JAYSON STRAIGHT THROUGH ME AS HE’S HOLDING ME WILL SOMEHOW NOT KILL ME ASWELL.

you hate us cuz u aint us! U mad cuz we got some swag, we got family, we’re like Grove Street, b*tch, we are da Starz. We. Are the Spicies. <3

Few homemeade memes to get high ratings ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Tribute to Spicy Jason Tryhards™ (can you stop spamming the f*cking trademarks please thank you)

From the ashes of Spicy Jayson, an ultimate group going by the name of Spicy Jayson Tryhards has been made. The goal of the group is to eradicate all filthy casuals using the power of the God –
The Spicy Jayson. It is rumoured that the members of this group deeply care for each other, looking after each other during the stressful nights when Jayson gets drunk and goes on a killing spree. The group seems to have its own means of communication, including closed Steam Group and a Discord Channel. They are currently recruiting memberz from all over the world we got russian guy too people, best group 2017 , provided that they meet certain requirements.

Credits

Jilly

Jilly

Jilly

Jilly

Jilly

Jilly

Jayson Part 2

My mom

Me 🙂

A few serious lines

Hello everybody. This is Jilly. As in, the actual Jilly, not my annoyed, rage-filled persona with absolutely garbage grammar popping random wannabe jokes which are sometimes funny and other times not, trying to get you to rate this guide 5 stars.
I would like to say a few words about this and my other guides to make sure their proper meaning is understood by people.
It should be clear, but this guide and my previous guides were never meant to be taken even a bit seriously. It’s all a joke and while some parts are based on small pieces of truth, other parts are completely fictional, made up in my head – they simply sounded funny enough for me to add them. Whether they really were as funny is up to you to judge though.
One thing I want to get through is, I really love this game, despite all the errors and bugs it has. I’m of the opinion that while the game is really fun and addictive as it is, it’d probably be best if it stayed in development until atleast Autumn of this year and perhaps even released along with the singleplayer. People could say that because it’s indie studio, some things should be forgiven. I don’t agree with that, but that doesn’t belong here. Point being, I like the game despite its’ not exactly ideal state, and this guide wasn’t anyhow supposed to go against it.
The point of this guide was to simply make your day a bit brighter, and for myself to see if I’m capable of writing a legit humorous guide or if my DBD guide was just a lucky hit and I otherwise f*cking suck at writing them – I’m sure you guys will let me know via comments and ratings about which one is true.
I don’t want anyone I named in this guide to feel offended. Like I said, it was all a joke. I also don’t want anyone to make a picture of who I am in real life based on what I wrote here, because once again, most of it was made up in an attempt to be funny.

TL;DR: I actually love F13, this guide is one big joke, nothing is meant offensively against anyone, everything is written as a joke. Also leave 5 stars <3

Other Guides

Russian version:
[link]