Delve into this extensive guide to learn what it means to truly be a womanizing, dong-decapitating, chain-smoking, booze-guzzling, backstabbing, financially successful Mojavian Badass.
Before We Begin…
Hello there, weary Courier. Tired of carrying packages across the Wasteland for meager caps? (You nod furiously) Have you had it up to here with everyone’s ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥? (Again, you nod with extreme agreement.)
Okay. I get it.
I can show you how to be a Mojavian Badass, but only if you are willing to do some dirty things.
For the purposes of this guide, you should be starting a new game so we have some fresh meat to work with. DLC’s (or as we’ll refer to them now as “Badass Enhancers”) not required, but recommended. Legion Sadists, NCR ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ and Mr. House Errand Boys should refrain from this guide as well because it may end with their butthurt-ness.
Also, anywhere that I mention Badass Enhancers, if you do not have Badass Enhancers then there will be alternatives.
I also use these:
-Project Nevada Complete
-More Perks Complete
I will not include these “Suppah Badass Enhancers” in the guide as people might not have them.
Okay Courier, prepare for a new way of life.
“This man is your ideal rolemodel now. Don’t mistake him for an NCR Puss, this is a Desert Ranger. They valiantly defended the Mojave against the Legion, Enclave, Brotherhood and the NCR’s brutal, expansionist-aggressive policies with numbers only in the double digits. One battle saw two Desert Rangers take out dozens of NCR troopers before storming the Legion camp across the road and killing everyone inside. These men eventually formed a non-aggression pact with the NCR because the Desert Rangers kept kicking the ♥♥♥♥ out of everyone. They then integrated into the NCR and to this day are the only reason the NCR still keeps Legion Sadists out.
(By the way, he’s only wearing the NCR belt as a trophy. This photo is circa. 2270, when the NCR first moved into the Mojave.)”
Your First Steps
So you just woke up and some old geezer told you that some fashionless moron shot you point-blank in the head. Now normally, this means that your Mojave Badass Club ID Card would be revoked and you get booted back to being an Errand Boy or Sadist or whatever the hell you did before your Badassing. Thankfully, you’re still a Pathetic Courier.
Breathe a little, this one thing can be overlooked. Remember, this journey will be difficult.
Take a walk over to the Vito-Matic, and dispense your S.P.E.C.I.A.L. points. Personally, I, The Holy First Desert Ranger (“HFDR”, or “Desert God”, or “Take-No-♥♥♥♥♥♥”, whatever) dispense as follows;
You need at least 7 to carry the heavy weapons later on, the AMR being a big one. It has a requirement of 8, but you can get a strength implant or the Weapon Handling perk.
Just keep hitting the VATS button to find people, then crouch down to kill them with a BOOM! Headshot.
If you get into a close-quarters fight, this keeps you in there longer.
Speech should be a last concern, but keep it moderate for wooing those women.
Can’t have you being stupid can we? Essential for keeping your stuff ship-shape with Repair. A real Mojave Badass does his own repairs.
Screw VATS. You will be using True Iron Sights, no two ways about it. A Mojave Badass doesn’t take ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, so you should be able to ♥♥♥♥ them up from afar.
You’ll be gambling. Criticals are “pssh, nothing personnel” tier. You’ll be using the highest quality weapons only, with only headshots on the rifles.
“This is the preferred weapon of Desert Rangers. My personal favourite for close-quarters firefights if someone has escaped the barrage of exploding .50MG rounds from my AMR. Although it may seem as though I’m a Desert Fanboy, they really are the perfect examples of badassery in combat (♥♥♥♥ Lanius and his ♥♥♥♥♥ Inculta).”
You also want to tag Guns, Repair and Survival.
Pick any two starting perks.
Finally, when asked if you want to enable Hardcore Mode, DO SO.
After you’ve done that, you exit his shack and get greeted by your first glimpse of the Mojave (you have amnesia, idiot). After recovering from the brief blinding, you must learn how to shoot right. If you do not have the Courier’s Stash, you will not have guns yet. To get a free gun, go over to the local bar and talk to a pretty damn fine woman named Sunny.
(Dude, chill it. You’ll get ♥♥♥♥♥♥.)
Oh ♥♥♥♥, here comes your first truth bomb. Since you have decided to go alone, you have a choice. Help her, recieve rewards. Don’t help, maintain status as a loner. Nevertheless, get the Varmint Rifle and run away back to the bar.
There’s some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ here named Cobb. He’s allied with the Powder Gangers.
Time for your factions lessons.
Alright, so being a badass means knowing how to conduct yourself badass-ily in front of others. You just formed your own faction, so you need to establish yourself with the others.
They may look like they chew nails and spit napalm, but everyone who’s under their jurisdiction knows that they are only like that on the surface. Their soft underbelly is pure ♥♥♥♥♥♥. Not only do they sit on their ass all day with their thumbs stuck up their anal cavity, but they don’t do ♥♥♥♥ about the Legion Sadists or protect their citizens. Letting the ♥♥♥♥♥ Lanius set up shop right across the street from the Dam is an example of the former, while the Freeside situation pre-Courier is the latter.
Badass Level: 4/10 (The Elite Rangers don’t count to this; they’re not true NCR)
Threat to you: When you start getting on their bad side by working for Yes Man, the NCR starts paying attention. They WILL try to kill you if they see you, though they’re not as dangerous as those Extra Sadistic Legionnaires that get sent after you when you jack off the Legion.
These guys, oh ho, these guys.
They are so disillusioned, they blindly follow Caeser because they don’t really know what else to do… Unfortunately for them, their leader insists that because the world was wiped clean of (Sid Meier’s) civilization when the nukes fell, civilization must start back at the beginning; Rome.
What ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. Three quarters of these guys don’t even know how to pronounce “Caeser” right. Instead of “Kaiser” they say “Kai-sarr”. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ idiots.
Badass Level: 6/10 (Hey, at least they have balls).
Threat to you: These guys WILL hunt you down, and the Legionary Assassins are tough for a low-leveled badass to take on. Steer clear of pissing these guys off until Level 15 or so, then feel free to screw with them.
♥♥♥♥ these guys. They don’t even deserve a section. Just ♥♥♥♥ them over and be done with it.
Badass Level: -10/10 (These ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ can’t even organize themselves)
Threat to you: Nonexistent
They are as ♥♥♥♥♥♥ as the NCR, but not in the exact same way.
See, NCR just sits on their asses all day, not moving in and attacking Sadists, *cough* Searchlight *cough* but the No-Balls Boomers sit all day defending their position.
But at the end of the day, their support in the final battle for a Badass Vegas is greatly needed.
Badass Level: 8/10 (The NCR/Legion doesn’t know who they’re ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ with when messing with you, Boomer support or not)
Threat to you: No threat, one of your prime objectives to being becoming a badass is securing their support
–Gingerly Great Khans
I chose to vilify them; after all, their whole economy is based off of running chems. Sickos. As a re-incarnate Desert Ranger, you must enact your own justice as you see fit. There’s no ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ courts, a decision needs to be made. Wipe them out.
Badass Level: 5/10 (Pretty tough for low-level characters, but your Ranger Sequoia will see to their demise)
Threat to you: You don’t see them as much as Fiends, so only by venturing out into Red Rock will you see trouble. Dispatch them quickly.
–Brotherhood of Scrap Metal
Xenophobic technophiles. They cause problems for everyone. Their efforts to steal technology from everyone in the Wasteland makes them a direct threat to the reconstruction of humanity. ♥♥♥♥ these guys up, they serve no purpose other than to be a new incarnation of religious mooks.
Badass Level: 2/10 (Hiding out like ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ in a bunker, and using Energy Weapons no less!?)
Threat to you: Their sheer numbers in that small bunker are formidable, so toss a few grenades down there to soften things up, then go in to finish up. They wouldn’t stand a chance on the open field.
That covers the biggest guys. For the White Glove Society, solve Beyond the Beef and spare them. Make sure to cook Mortimer and Phillippe to a crisp though.
For bonus points to you, this is what the natural state of a Sadist is:
Walk the Wasteland
Now for your ascendance into badass-hood.
First, you’ll need to aqcuire Desert Ranger Armor, from the Honest Hearts DLC, or NCR Ranger Combat Armor. Riot Gear, Advanced Riot Gear or Elite Riot Gear can be used as well. I personally use Elite Riot Gear.
To acquire any of the Riot Gears, you need the Lonesome Road DLC, as well as a ♥♥♥♥ ton of caps to repair them. The regular old NCR Ranger Combat Armor can be found in the NCR Safehouse. This is the only thing you need from the NCR if you do not want to kill a Veteran Ranger (shame on you if you do, many of them were Desert Rangers before the merge into the NCR).
Once you have the armor (and looking kickass wearing it!) you need to get the weapons.
Here is the basic loadout any self-respecting badass needs:
Any Riot, Desert or NCR Ranger Combat Helmet
Any Riot, Desert or NCR Ranger Combat Armor
One (preferably GRA) Anti-Material Rifle (with all mods on if possible)
*Suggested by “Kodasa Sinclair”
One 12 Gauge Hunting Shotgun or Riot Shotgun
One Ranger Sequoia
*Note* To get this you must loot it off the corpse of a dead Veteran Ranger or Chief Hanlon. Do not kill them, you Sadist. An easy way to get it:
Get a Silenced .22 Pistol, and go to Camp Golf. Hanlon can be found hanging around on the resort balcony at the front of the building during the day. The door to the balcony is actually right above the main entrance. SAVE BEFORE YOU DO THIS, and make sure no one else is around. Head up to the balcony, enter sneak mode, fire a single shot at him with the .22, and when he pulls the gun out to defend himself, enter VATS and target the gun. Make sure to spend ALL your AP on targetted attacks against the gun. You will shoot it right out of his hand. As soon as he drops it and you come out of VATS, put your weapon away, and then run over and pick it up. This will cause him to end the combat without him dying, and if you do it right and grab the gun before he can pick it up, you’ll aquire the Ranger Seqouia with no loss of NCR rep, and no one will become hostile, including Hanlon. The gun will be broken, or badly damaged, and will need to be repaired before you can use it.
Now to ♥♥♥♥ some ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up.
Start off by capping some Fiends in the head and doing quests that earn you good Karma. Also, start gathering caps, the .50MG and 45-70 ammo the Sequoia and AMR take are very expensive and rare. You’ll need to learn to craft these ammo types yourself, so work on your Repair.
These are your targets of priority for rearranging power in the Wasteland.
1. Caeser and Sadists
3. Powder Gangbangers
4. Gingerly Great Khans
6. Mr. House
8. Brotherhood of Steel
Talk the Tops
So, now that you have everyone covered dealing with combat as a Badass, now we have to teach you how to interact with regular Pathetic Citizens.
A regular civil community. Oh, how pathetic they are. You’ll be going to The Strip
By now you’ve obviously made your way to The Strip, so grab some bottlecaps and get gambling.
The casinos will ban you once you hit their limits, and this never resets. By the time you fleece them all, you’ll have won about 30,000 caps. Respectable.
THIS is what you want if you have Dead Money. Screw exploits, use Console Commands to GTFO of there with 389,000 caps.
You also want to guzzle booze. ALOT.
For the chain-smoking part… there are mods for that. Smoking is hell on your lungs and if a Mojavian Badass can’t run, then what is he!?!!!?
For more in-depth info on proper Strip conduct, see Harveysaurs guide “A Gentlemen’s Guide to The Strip”.
By now, you should be Level 30 (or 35 or 40 or 45 or 50 depending on your Badass Enhancers)
and kicking doors down, mowing people in the head, slurping booze, humping prostitutes at Gomorrah and well on your way to an Independent New Vegas.
Thank you for reading this guide, ratings are appreciated, comments and constructive criticism as well. Any suggestions are welcome too.
And in closing, here is a scene one of my disciples sent me after taking my training. The bodies are Sadists! Well done son.
Happy trails and killings!
-Desert Ranger Mop