Overview
THIS IS A GOVERNMENT ISSUE GUIDE TO THE CITIZENS OF RIMWORLD.It’s that time again: the Rimworld elecions! With only weeks left to go until the the votes are counted, the peoples of Rimworld are bubbling with excitement and the candidates for this election zip hurriedly around major settlements building support. The purpose of this guide is to offer you all that you need to know about the candidates and there respective parties. And (of course!) it’s unbiased… ehem.
The Political Atmosphere in Rimworld
Before addressing the candidates of the 2017 Rimworld elections, a moment must be taken to explain the way in which the President of Rimworld is selected from among the candidates, and the ethnic / geographical situations which affect the election.
Election
Rimworld uses a 2 round, First Past the Post (FPTP) voting system, in which the electorate first votes for the winner of their regional seat (explained later) and then votes again for their preferred candidate in the final runoff.
Regional seat
Rimworld has a very high urban populaton density. From each settlement, the candidate who receives a majority vote wins that regional seat. The four candidates with the most votes (to match the four different ethnic groups) then goes through to the next round, where the electorate votes again for their next president.
The Factions
Rimworld is a land full of Ethnic Diversity, Democracy, and Political Corectness; in other words, a liberal’s utopia. The different ethnic factions elect from among them a single president, who can be of any ethnicity.
Of course, different factions prefer to vote for candidates of their own ethnicity, so the first round often chooses the best candidate of each ethnicity, and the second round is a showdown between these for the next president.
For those who are unsure, the factions of Rimworld are:
Tribes: Ancient, native people who live a basic lifestyle upon the planet. Low tech but high in population.
Outlanders: Foreign peoples from deep space that have settled of Rimworld to forge a new colony. High tech but low in numbers.
Pirates: Mobs of roaming people who make a living off looting their victims. Often support anarchical candidates. Powerful cartels have been known to bribe, corrupt and intimidate previous governments.
Mechanoids: Groups of repungant insect-like creatures with computerised brains. Typically live in hives and prey on nearby humans. Mechanoids have never won an election in recorded history, but have successfully established dictator governments through coup-de-etat.
THE 2017 RIMWORLD ELECTION CANDIDATES
Chosen from among the (literally) hundreds of candidates that run every election are the few that are considered to have a good chance of winning or are backed by a significant Rimworld political party.
The Candidates are as follows:
Jemmy Carbin
Jemmy Carbin is an Outlander candidate supported by the major Benefit party. As the leader of Rimworld, he wants to completely disarm the entire planet (even the pirates and mechanoids); make everyone’s birthday an international bank holiday; eradicate the labels of the different ethnicities and have everyone identify simply as “fellow comrade.”
Finally, Jemmy wants to impose massive taxation on anyone with a job; give more benefits to the unemployed; have a net migration of 200 000 000 per year (if this figure cannot be reached, then he wishes to impose forced kidnapping of people from other planets to be brought to Rimworld); and he wants to change the national flag to a sickle and hammer on a red backdrop.
The current flag of Rimworld.
Pedro “El Patron” Ezcobar
Pedro Ezcobar is a multi-billionaire independent candidate expected to send shockwaves through the Rimworld political landscape. He formed his own party El Cartel Mellon only a year prior to the election. He is mostly supported by the Pirates and some Tribal people in favour of drug production. He is very popular among the poor of Rimworld (of which there are many).
Ezcobar’s most important policies revolve around drugs. As President, he will form a trade organisation for the production and distribution of psychoid (primarily flake) which he will run himself. He will legalise the consumption of flake in all communities. He will introduce flake into school meals, and have flake as a required ingredient in various major pop drinks.
Pedro Ezcobar will also establish a military organisation of thugs with automatic pistols that are loyal to him personally. He will make it legal to murder anyone who tries to prevent the distribution of drugs (even to the school meals).
Tonald Rump
Tonald Rump, known as “The Tonald,” is a major character in this year’s election. He is backed by the influential Republican party, and holds a strong anti-establishment stance.
Because of his position as an anti-establishment, anti-globalist, pro-patriotic candidate, he is largely portrayed negatively by the media and by the establishment, who frequently make conspiracies and fake news headlines against him in an attempt to damage his support.
As President, Mr. Rump will famously build a great wall in the planet’s orbit that entirely encases the planet like the shell of an egg. This will be to keep out those damn undocumented Spacers who are always crashing their escpae pods on the planet. Furthermore, he will provide proper treatment to cure being gay; keep jobs in Rimworld and keep immigrants out; and most importantly he will put all the feminists and liberals back in their box.
Dolf Titler
Dolf Titler is head of the recently emerged party – the Social Nationalists.
Titler has been known to rant about many of his policies – from kicking out foreigners to establishing an empire to last a thousand years. We don’t know for sure what he’ll do, but what we do know is that he’s a popular choice in this election!
Among other policies, Titler has stated that he will completely eradicate unemployment by putting people to work building armaments and warships; creating huge labour armies to build grand highways or “autobahns” to put the ancient highways to shame; and finally having two years conscription into the armed forces.
Being a Socialist Nationalist, Titler will provide a “strength through joy” programme to all workers – provided you aren’t a foreigner. This will entitle workers to free cinema tickets and other entertainments!
Regarding old people, there won’t be any because they will all be euthanised along with the disabled.
Also, he keeps going on about “lebensraum” and “volksmeinschafft,” but we don’t really know what he is talking about.
Merry le Pen
Merry is a popular candidate with a very unusual accent. Also, she keeps going on about a place called “France” but we don’t really know what she is talking about.
As is the fashion these days, Merry pledges to kick out the filthy pirates, and create a society that focuses more on “true Rimworldians.”
Because of her funny accent, no one is quite sure what else she plans to do.
GR72-DEATHY3N
GR72-DEATHY3N. We don’t know much about it, but it seems to be the candidate that all the mechanoids are voting for.
We weren’t sure what gender GR72-DEATHY3N is, so we asked it, and it told us it is “Gender fluid,” so we will just call it it.
As president, GR72-DEATHY3N intends to create an army of slugs with laser guns, that will crawl across Rimworld and finally eradicate the humans.
We don’t know what else it plans to do, because it keeps zapping all the journalists before they get a chance to ask. I’m glad someone is.
Thanks For Reading!
Thanks for reading this guide.
I hope that it helps you to decide how to use your vote as a citizen of Rimworld. Remember to register to vote!
If you spot any spelling errors. please point them out in the comments.
P.S. I know that Rimworld is not a singular place, but a name given to all the desolate planets. I have called this planet simply Rimworld for convenience.
P.P.S. A big thank you to the “prepare carefully” mod and its creator for allowing me to create the portraits of the political candidates.
A goodbye from Tonald Rump!
UPDATE: The most recent polls are in, and they are predicting a LANDSLIDE victory for mechanoid independent candidate GR72-DEATHY3N. This could be the first candidate without the backing of a major party to win in decades!