Fortune Cookie quotes

Om nom nom nom...

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• Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin
  
• You're never too old to learn something stupid.
  
• With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
  
• I love the smell of cookies in the morning. Smells like... Cookies.
  
• The forecast calls for... Death? Yup. I'm just seeing a whole lot of death. Bummer for you, I guess.
  
• 'Fućk Confucius'. - Bill Hicks. *
  
• He who takes advice from a cookie is sure to crumble.
  
• Confucius say it is easy to hate and difficult to love. Frankie say relax.
  
• You don't need a parachute to skydive. You need a parachute to skydive twice.
  
• Thank you Lo Wang! But your fortune is in another cookie!
  
• All men eat, but Fu Man Chu.
  
• Help! I am being held prisoner in a video game factory.
  
• The good news: you're not paranoid. The bad news: everyone is actually trying to kill you.
  
• You are not illiterate.
  
• Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs at you.
  
• Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a great hand.
  
• The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is all a mater of taste.
  
• Your mom says hi.
  
• Add 'in bed' to this fortune to make it super sexy. In bed!
  
• Lucky numbers: 23, 34, 42, 69, 666.
  
• Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
  
• There is no cookie.
  
• You're the best. Around. Nothing's ever going to keep you down.
  
• It's time to kick áss and chew bubble gum. And... Oh look! Here's my gum! *
  
• It is better to have loved and lost than to have had loved and gotten syphilis.
  
• 404: Fortune not found.
  
• (C)2013 Flying Wild Fortune Cookie Company.
  
• A Wang in the hand is worth two in the bush.
  
• Ingredients: wheat, sugar, lysergic acid diethylamide, yellow #5.
  
• These aren't the cookies you're looking for.
  
• Some mistakes are too fun to make only once.
  
• Courtesy is contagious. So is gonorrhea.
  
• The Wang abides.
  
• No one ever died of a broken heart. But a heart sliced from their chest while they look on screaming? Not gonna lie. That's killed a couple people.
  
• Whoever coined the phrase 'quiet as a mouse' never stepped on one.
  
• What's a seven-letter word for 'cryptic'?
  
• You will find a fortune cookie.
  
• Cookie Monster wasn't here.
  
• That's what Ki said.
  
• No Wang is an island.
  
• This is my katana, this is my gun. One for killing, the other's for... OK, the other's also for killing.
  
• Live Wang and prosper.
  
• Some days you're the pigeon, other days you're the statue. Today is more of a statue day.
  
• Fortune favors those who shoot the bold right in their stupid bold faces.
  
• All your cookie belong to us.
  
• Live each day like it's your last. Or at least today, because... Oh I don't want to spoil it.
  
• Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people look brilliant, until you hear them speak.
  
• Chew, or chew not. There is no pie.
  
• Cardboard belt is a waist of paper.
  
• To maintain perfect accuracy, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  
• The early bird gets the worm. The second mouse gets cheese.
  
• Baseball has it wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk.
  
• You will stop procrastinating. Later.
  
• To be is to do. - Socrates
  To do is to be. - Sarte
  Do be do be do. - Sinatra
  
• Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.
  
• Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is the best. - FZ
  
• Man who drops soap in prison shower is super bummed.
  
• There can be only Wang.
  
• You will be attacked by demons.
  
• Small cookies bring great joy.
  
• That's all, folks! Don't toss your cookies!

* spelled with "ć" and "á" because of Steam censorship

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