The Completely Unhinged but Surprisingly Useful Guide to POSTAL 2

POSTAL 2 is what happens when someone takes an open-world game, removes most moral restraint, adds absurd freedom, then asks:

“What if every normal task became a disaster?”

You play as The Postal Dude, a permanently exhausted man wearing sunglasses indoors, living in a trailer park with his wife and dog. Your mission sounds simple:

• Buy milk

• Return a library book

• Pick up a paycheck

• Get Christmas presents

Unfortunately, the town of Paradise is full of:

• angry cops

• cultists

• protesters

• crackheads

• heavily armed rednecks

• people who will absolutely panic if you pull out a shovel

The game is technically a first-person shooter.
In reality, it’s a chaos simulator disguised as a grocery trip.

You do NOT need to kill everyone.

This is the biggest misunderstanding about the game.

You can complete most objectives peacefully.
You can literally walk through large parts of the game like a confused civilian.

But POSTAL 2 constantly places explosive opportunities in front of you and whispers:

“It would be funny though.”

And that is where your problems begin.

Paradise is a city where every citizen has the emotional stability of a microwave bomb.

Tiny incidents escalate instantly.

Examples:

• bump into someone → argument

• pull out scissors → screaming

• accidentally light a dog on fire → police response

• urinate on somebody → somehow even worse police response

The AI is chaotic, unpredictable, and sometimes unbelievably stupid.
That’s part of the charm.

Every day follows the same pattern:

1. Receive a simple errand
2. Leave home peacefully
3. Witness something insane
4. Become involved in something insane
5. Accidentally start a city-wide massacre
6. Return home somehow alive

Repeat until Friday.

1. Shovel

The universal problem solver.

Pros:

• Silent

• Doesn’t attract massive attention

• Weirdly satisfying

• Excellent for close combat

Cons:

• Requires confidence

• Requires proximity

• You will absolutely miss swings sometimes

Verdict:
One of the best weapons in the game.
Simple. Reliable. Emotionally devastating.

2. Shotgun

The “I am no longer negotiating” weapon.

Pros:

• Extremely powerful

• Great crowd control

• Makes enemies reconsider life choices

Cons:

• Loud enough to alert half the city

• Ammo disappears fast

Verdict:
• Classic panic weapon.

3. Gasoline + Matches

This combination turns POSTAL 2 from “violent comedy” into “insurance nightmare.”

Pros:

• Creates chaos instantly

• Spreads panic everywhere

• Terrifyingly effective

Cons:

• Fire does not respect personal boundaries

• Including yours

Verdict:
10/10 for destruction.
1/10 for long-term planning.

4. Cat Silencer

Yes, this exists.

No, there is no normal explanation.

You can attach a cat to certain weapons as a suppressor.
The cat screams.
The gun becomes quieter.
Nobody involved is happy.

Verdict:
This game was clearly made by people who should not have been left unsupervised.

5. Rocket Launcher

Pros:

• Deletes problems instantly

Cons:

• Deletes nearby reality instantly

Verdict:
Only use this if your plan is:

“No survivors. Including me.”

Stop shooting every cop you see

The police in POSTAL 2 are like cockroaches with shotguns.
There are always more.

Killing one officer often creates:

• more officers

• SWAT teams

• military units

• helicopters

• complete societal collapse

Unless you are fully prepared, avoid starting wars with law enforcement.

Use the map constantly

Paradise is surprisingly large.
You will get lost.
Frequently.

The map helps avoid:

• dead ends

• heavily armed areas

• unnecessary riots

Though honestly, “unnecessary riots” are difficult to avoid in this game.

Heal intelligently

Health items matter.
Especially on harder difficulties.

Best healing items:

• Fast food

• Pizza

• Medical kits

• Crack pipes

Yes, crack pipes restore health.
No, this guide cannot morally defend that decision.

Don’t carry every weapon out constantly

NPC reactions depend on what you hold.

Walking around peacefully with a shovel:

• mostly ignored

Walking around with an assault rifle:

• instant screaming

• panic

• armed response

• your afternoon ruined

Very Easy

You are basically a dangerous tourist.

Average

The intended experience.
Chaotic but manageable.

Hard

Enemies become much more aggressive.
You start realizing how terrible your aim actually is.

POSTAL Difficulty

The game actively hates you.

You will:

• die fast

• run out of ammo

• regret every decision

• learn fear

Recommended only for people who think stress is entertainment.

1. Accidentally attack civilians

You’ll press the wrong button.
Someone screams.
Everything collapses.

Normal POSTAL 2 experience.

2. Forget to save

Massive mistake.

POSTAL 2 can transform from calm shopping trip to war zone in seconds.
Save often.

Very often.

Suspiciously often.

3. Start fires indoors

Bad idea.

The game’s fire system spreads aggressively.
You will trap yourself.
Then burn to death while confused.

This is practically a rite of passage.

4. Underestimate civilians

Some NPCs are armed.
Some are surprisingly aggressive.
Some are apparently trained assassins disguised as random pedestrians.

Never fully trust anyone.

The Peaceful Citizen Run

Try completing objectives without killing anyone.

Surprisingly fun.
Also surprisingly difficult.

Main challenge:
Other people keep ruining your peaceful plans.

The Chaos Run

Ignore morality.
Ignore consequences.
Ignore public safety.

This transforms the game into complete madness.

Performance may suffer.
Civilization definitely will.

The Improvised Idiot Run

Use random objects.
Experiment constantly.
Make terrible decisions scientifically.

Honestly the most entertaining way to play.

Police

Aggressive.
Persistent.
Heavily armed.

Treat them carefully unless you enjoy tactical disasters.

Protesters

Usually loud.
Often ridiculous.
Sometimes dangerous.

Paradise contains protests about nearly everything imaginable.

Rednecks

Never underestimate them.

They are often armed.
And weirdly accurate.

Dogs

Can attack unexpectedly.
Also can become part of weapon attachments.

This sentence alone explains POSTAL 2.

Good players manage resources.
Bad players carry 19 weapons and no health.

Try balancing:

healing items

ammo

utility weapons

crowd control weapons

Also:

Do not waste rare ammo on random civilians unless you absolutely need to.
Or unless your judgment has completely collapsed.

POSTAL 2 is old.
Very old.

Sometimes modern systems behave strangely with it.

Common fixes:

limit frame rate if physics break

lower shadow settings

save frequently

expect occasional weirdness

The game engine occasionally behaves like it consumed energy drinks and bad ideas simultaneously.

Just a suggestion, you can play as you want.

The real skill is not aim.

It’s recovery.

Anyone can start chaos.
The difficult part is surviving after the entire town becomes hostile.

Experienced players learn:

escape routes

crowd control

ammo conservation

when to stop escalating situations

New players usually learn:

“Maybe I should not have fired a rocket into that crowd.”

POSTAL 2 is not meant to be taken seriously.
It’s crude, ridiculous, chaotic, and intentionally excessive.

The best moments are usually accidental:

a tiny mistake causing total disaster

NPCs fighting each other randomly

surviving impossible situations with 1 health

somehow completing errands after destroying half the city

Play creatively.
Save constantly.
Do not trust fire.
And remember:

Every disaster in POSTAL 2 begins with:

“This will probably be fine.”