Crahes on launch? Set Launcher to "Windows 7 compatibility mode".

Let's say you're in the same position I was, you installed Civ V and it wouldn't launch. A brief flash on a black screen and the process closes itself without any error notifications.
Let's also pretend you've already tried:

- Launching DX9 version
- Launching DX11 version
- Changing launch options in the Steam game properties
- Running Steam as administrator
- Checking and unchecking all of the DLC to redownload them
- Deleting all the files of 2k launcher
- Launching either with compatibility options turned on
- Launching either with administrator priviledges
- Launching either through the "Launcher.exe" in your game directory
- Reinstalling DirectX
- Reinstalling C++ Runtime
- Removing all documents folder and reinstalling the game
- Verifying game cache
- Removing intro movies
- Forcing the game to launch in windowed mode by editing the config file
- Reinstalling your GPU drivers

Let's also hypothesize in this purely fictional scenario, that you're now planning to use a virtual machine or dig up an old laptop with the ol' reliable Windows 7 still installed on it.

In reality, all you had to was follow my damn instructions, CJ:

- Go to the game directory (C:\Program Files (x86)\Steam\steamapps\common\Sid Meier's Civilization V by default).
- Locate "Launcher.exe" -> right-click -> "Properties" -> "Compatibility" tab -> Check the "Run this program in compatibility mode for:" box -> select "Windows 7" from the dropdown menu.
- Click "OK"

Congratulations, if your situation was similar to mine, you should be able to launch the game normally now in both DirectX modes.